it's all fun and games

deep friday thoughts

yesterday during my meeting with the nurse at my prenatal (that's right! i said prenatal, cause i am having a baby...ha!) the nurse said to me after going through my history and the loss of ben, she said "i am sorry for all the pain and loss you have gone through, but i know good has come from it"

i agreed

then i thought, hum, that's just an odd thing to say. good comes from horribleness and i agreed

it's true!

when i think over those months after our loss, the pain, sorrow and despair i felt was unlike anything i have ever experienced, i could not rid myself of it. the guilt was tormenting. it was destroying me

how could good come from this???

now my bitter experience turns into peace. you have saved me and kept me from the rotting pit...is 38:17

i read this today and was silenced by it. my bitterness (lets face it was dealing with that!) some how turned in peace over the last yr BEFORE we got pregnant

he kept me from the rotting pit. everyone has one, mine was grief, anger, bitterness, resentfulness, sorrow and more guilt. at some time and point in every one's life you fill find yourself in a pit, call it what you want. i lived in mine for a good yr before i was able to start climbing out of it

then, once i started to climb out i was able to feel peace. before.... i can honestly say that i dealt with a lot of garbage while getting out of the hole that i lived in and honestly, i had the right to live in a pit! a horrible thing happened to me!

but i did not want it to define me. i don;t want to be known as the girl with fertility issues, loss babies etc...

i didn't just want to feel better, i wanted to be better. i was not after feelings but knowing...that i was out of my pit for the rest of my life

i was able to thank god and to be happy with out having what i wanted

so what does this mean? esp after my appointment yesterday and facing more fear(s) i've decided that baby or no baby will not determine how i will live this life

my relationship with god must be more important than anything that i want or desire...kwim? ( know what i mean?)

so this long and rambly blog is not really for you to read but for me to type and formulate in words that no matter what happens over the next few months, years it will not determine or change my relationship with god

living this life, in the world should only make me stronger in him, cause really, i can do nothing with out him

i know this more than anything, esp with the hormones! feeling cranky, irritable, tired, hormonal, sad etc...i can't reach on it. but i can't do it alone, it's almost like a constant reminder of how much more i need god in my life. i find myself praying alot lately...."help me to keep my mouth shut!" or "i must keep this scenario in perspective" or "this will pass and i will feel better tomorrow" or "man! i just need a coffee and a shopping spree" ha!

Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future

2 comments

Posted by mel at 12:48 PM

another day another preschool (and prenatal!)

our church has a little preschool that switched from tues (my mom2mom morning) to thurs so we could now go! today was the first day for nate. he quiet enjoyed himself. when i asked him about his new preschool he said " the preschool at the nazarene we do a lot of reading and writing and printing and letters and science. the preschool at christs church we do a lot of gym, playing and working out" haw haw ha. too funny. nate did show his class at gym time how to do the mountain climber and push ups, thanks to his working out with chris. ha (there was some kids missing from the pic) so now nate goes to 2 preschool, yes, we are busy!

my first prenatal. ok. i am blessed with "luck" at the dumont! i waited all about 5 mins before i was assessed by the nurse (who remember me and nate from his pregnancy! and ben's!) she did a full history and wrote a book

then we listened to the heart beat. nate was very impressed by this. he thought it was cool enough to put his leapster down. ha. i forgot to record it, i was too busy listening and crying. heart beat was 156

i was weighted but i am not saying what i was because i simply don't care what i weight! goal weight gain is 25-30 pounds. i've put on 5 already

then i was off to see dr. robichaud. he did another pull inspection on me, full on board if yous know what i mean. then he determined that i am indeed high rick and he will be seeing me for the entire pregnancy. meaning, i won't be booked with other dr's, just him, and he will deliver the baby

i have opted out of ALL testing and ultrasounds 9other than the 18 week one). i am booked for my 18 week, to do another date determination. dr. robichaud will prob change my due date based on that. instead of being 13 weeks today, i may be determined 14....really? who cares! i'm having a baby, that is all i care about! wheeeeeeeeeeee

i have another appoint in 3 weeks. normally you go in 4-5 weeks until the 30th week. but dr. rob wants to keep a good eye on me. so i have more frequent appointys

i was however told that i had to have some tests done today so i did em...he wanted to check a few things...not sure what and i didn't ask bec i do not want any stress!

all in all it was a GREAT appointy. and get this veronique! i was in and out in 1.5 hours (i had 3 separate appointments, blood work and extra tests included which took me all over the hospital) ha! i tell ya! i have great luck for appointments there!

oh, nate watch my blood being taken and he said "that is disgusting!"

ha!

2 comments

Posted by mel at 8:28 PM

new car

first another shot of the nater and his leapster. good money well spent dad!

so. chris works out, regularly. shocking isn't it? after dad had his heart attack, chris started talking about doing something along the lines of exercise. after doing mucho reading and reviews on everything out there we settled on the exbox personal trainer. chris has faithfully used it for over a month now. this is a record. this is huge! the funnest thing is the role reversal. i am on the couch watching! haa!

las night i came down to chris and his work out buddy

work it dudes!

car!

ok. so just before christmas we put the car up for sale. it was an old beater that out neighbours very pleased to see we parked it in the garage. ha. the car worked great, just old and required a lot of maintenance. time that chris and i felt would be better spent doing other things. so we listed the car, got a lot of calls and ppl seing it but nothing came from it. so we let it go

then last wed night, chris came home and told me that he felt that god was urging him to re post the car stat. so we did. we got a call 20 mins later, the guy came by thurs evening to see it and returned back an hour later with cash, the car was sold...less than 24 hrs

so we were out of a car

and off we went to the auction to see what was around. after lusting after this sweet king cab, 1/2 tonne beauty....we could have bought it but really, it was at the high end of our budget. we don't want car debt, so what ever cars we buy are paid in cash, or paid for over a month or two. we just both think that cars are not a good investment of money cause they lose value stat. so

we did not get the truck and instead bought a pt cruiser....?!?! the LAST car i thought i would ever want. but i like it, it's cute, it's got storage....enough for 2 car seats, a stroller and groceries...and we paid cash for it

here she is

my new cutie car. chris will no longer want to drive this car...seeing the name i put on it. ha!

one day we will get that truck!

2 comments

Posted by mel at 1:57 PM

seriously funny

http://youtu.be/xJHt-m3VX6o

love it

love the p.j's. so true. it's a huge selling point in this whole home schooling thing....right shannon....bawahhhhh 1 comments

Posted by mel at 6:08 PM

this and that

nate with is fav toy. he takes it almost everywhere, when i visit with chris he goes in the back of the van to play...and eat...

while driving home i could hear him "reading" i stopped at a light, turned around and saw him reading his bible. so cute

in order to burn off the multitude of excess energy that nate has and the secret plan on letting him get it out somewhere other than my home....ha....i've taken him back to the y. shannon and her boys join us, we chat, the kids play. it's perfect

the boys hook up a trolley thingy of some sort on the back of the bike and weston takes the boys for a ride. so funny

off they go!

we did get some snow last week...most of it;s gone now and in place is the cold. this am i woke up and thought i was back in sasky....-28 brrrrrrrrrr very cold

keep warms ya'alls!

0 comments

Posted by mel at 6:10 PM

12 weeks!

i turn over on thurs, but out of habit i take belly shots on sunday. its easier cause chris is around to do it. so there ya go
i actually look preggers with this one! i have a belly at 12 weeks. this is a record....ha!

nate wanted in the pic, silly boy!

it's not often that he wants to hug me and to get it on camera is a miracle! haha!

now that we are public with the pregnancy, i can write about it. ha. i decided to go public this weekend for 1 reason....well 2....i look pregnant but mostly, i did it as a huge step of faith. i go to my first prenatal appointy this week and i wanted to wait until after the check up before i tell ppl but then i realised that fear was really the motive behind that so i stepped out and up and decided to share the news before i hear the heart beat again

sure i get scared but fear won't control me!

with this pregnancy i am doing a few things different. i am resting and sleeping as much as i can, when i can. i am not weighting myself a lot. i have a rule, i can only weight myself on sunday IF i remember and if i don;t i have to wait until the next sunday, so there's been a few weeks i didn't weight myself! this is TOTALLY freeing!!!!!!! wheeeeeeee!

eating-i eat what i want, when i want. meaning, if i am not hungry at lunch, i wait until i am hungry then i eat my lunch, sometimes it's at 11, or 3. when i get hungry i eat. then i eat what i crave. so far, i give in to everything! just in moderation. i eat fries and burgers just not ALL of it! ha. so far i love, love, love in no order!

chicken!

banana's with peanut butter!

golden delish apples!

hamburger with lots of ketchup!

tomato soup!

crackers with peanut butter!

pizza! yummio!

exercise-i am doing nothing right now. nadda. zip, nothing i haven't been cleared by the dr yet so i am taking this break and running with it!

i have had a lot of ppl ask the following questions so i thought i would answer them here, cause i am an open book y'all!

nate, how is he with this baby thing? so far, he loves it! talks about the baby all the time! i really don;t think there will be issues with this, sure an adjustment time but no serious sibling rivalry

did we get help. no. we conceived just the 2 of us. ha

am i scared about losing the baby? no. but i do face feelings of fear and i deal with them

am i still going to home school? ya betcha! all the more reason to do it!

is chris taking time off? yes, we are 1 income so chris does get paternity leave. 9 months. he's one happy boy

and there ya go! this weeks baby update!

2 comments

Posted by mel at 3:10 PM

full of life

full of life/n/`1: life has never been better 2: a state of joy, pride and creativity. 3: a strong feeling of being keenly alive, more aware, more in tune with oneself 4: pregnancy and beauty at its best

6 wks
i will not die; instead i will live and tell what the lord has done. ps 118:17

7 wks

and god remembered me; and he listened/heard me and rendered me fruitful. gen 30:22 (ok, ok, he was talking about rachel but what ever. he remembered me too)

week 8!

the joy of the lord is my strength. neh 8:10

and a christmas day pic of my jammies that i wore to church ! hah!

week 11!

then young women will rejoice and dance. i will turn their mourning into joy. i will comfort them. i will give them joy in place of their sorrow. jer 31:13

we are 12 weeks! i am due july 24! i am thrilled, excited and incredibly happy!

the long deets (for the eig clan!)

in sept, chris and i had talked and decided that we did not want more than 5 yrs age gap, so we decided that this spring we would have a garage sale and sell all the baby things. we were both at peace with this

so off we went on vacay and somewhere in orlando/tampa/caribbean we got our selves knocked up. ha!

i came home and was so redic and utterly tired! the first sat i slept till 10:30! then got something to eat and went back to bed! that mon chris and i realized that i was late. so we decided to test on wed (which is a recid long time to wait then you have 3 pee sticks in your closet!) wed am came, i did the deed and gave the test to chris as i jumped back into bed. chris said "oh mel, i am sorry. it's neg. nothing is there" and off he went to work

about 5 mins later after i dealt with my sadness, i got up to take a shower, grabbing the test to toss in the trash. in the dark of the room i saw 2 lines. i freaked out, called chris on his cell, chris was just at the end of the street so he came back to the house to look. he saw it and smiled

we had hope

i decided to wait until sun to test again. again, a redic LONG time but for some reason i was cool with this

sun am, did my thing and saw the second line before i left the bathroom. i tossed it at chris and said "we're having a baby! can you believe this?????"

i sat on the bed. shocked

i then quickly got ready to go to church

a week later i called the dr and went into have it confirmed. it was nov 28. the 2 yr anni of the loss of out last son. i was torn that day, i sat in the office to confirm my pregnancy on the day we lost our son!

we had an ultrasound at 8 wk. the heartbeat was nice and strong 169, the baby is growing right on schedule. everything is perfect!

i have my next prenatal next week and can't wait to hear the heart beat!

our children will be 4 yrs, 11 months a part. god's timing was perfect!

i will be honest, i have been very scared and anxious over losing the baby. i went as far as to detach myself for a long time, not talking about it, not believing, holding on to the "what if's" then a good friend smacked me with some good stuff and in place of that fear i now have peace. i now dream and pray for our child. our baby. our miracle. our 3rd child. i have my moments but i have a great network of support

and i have the reality of the pregnancy to know this is real! ha! NOT complaining but i've been SO sick! ick! i feel pregnant and so far this pregnancy is very similar to the one i had with nate! so i know it's real! ha!

so there ya's go! a baby is on the way!