a sower went out to sow
as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them
some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. but when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away
some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them
but others fell on good ground and yielded a crop:
some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. he who has ears to hear, let him hear!

Blow my mind. Totally old school Sunday school story, which I know by heart but for some freakish reason this am, while driving to pick chris up for our coffee break, I realized that the soil actually means your heart. I did not know this…so I came home, dropped nate into bed for a nap and dove into the word to discover how I missed this nugget! What I did learn has little to nothing to do with the soil=heart issue. Instead it showed me a huge battle that’s been brewing in my mind/heart for a time now and because I have no shame I thought I would share it! with chris mocking me for not knowing soil=heart!

Break it down, definitions!

Sower- to scatter seed with the purpose of growth
1- wayside- the side of the way. Land which is beside the path, road, highway
2- stony- to resemble a stone to be hard, unfeeling, merciless, motionless, ridged, no expression
3- thorns- spiny, prickly, something that wounds, annoys, causes discomfort
4- yield- produce, give forth, to give up power/authority, to surrender to give up or over
so

this is what I got/learned

1- sower went to do his job (preacher, teacher, friend, spouse, child even, boss, spiritual wisdom, council, correction etc…)

2- some of his words fell on the way side. Not on the road. I find myself in a situation, a place where I am not on gods road, I am on the way side….guess what? I get picked off and taken out by life

3- some fell on stony places…some how I find myself stone like as of late, words fall on me and I am hard! no mercy! expressionless! motionless! Ridged! Pain is all around me and I don’t care cause I am stone like. What happened to cause this?

-there is not enough soil (word of god) to keep me strong when the heat comes up (fights, disagreements, hurt feelings, anger, frustration…life!) I am killed, rootless, scorched and I wither away…taken out by life’s stuff

4- some fell among thorns- something that wounds, annoys and causes discomfort! Oya! How come this happens a lot? Esp at church? Someone offends you, upsets you, gets picked, chosen over you…you are left wounded…then the wounds spring up and takes you out

5-some fell on good ground and yielded a crop…you find yourself wronged, talked about, misunderstood, frustrated and annoyed. some how is it possible to yield and produce under these harsh conditions? Yes! If your soil is good and your heart is like david, you have surrender, given up your power and authority, left it with god, let him deal with it, accept, deal with the hurt and allow god to step in, take over and close your mouth. he then can cause your good soil to bring forth good things

Resulting in great results…100 fold, 60 some 30

So is your soil good? Mine’s not and I am working on it. Somehow over the last yr, months, weeks I have allowed hurt, frustration, annoyances to creep and crawl in and instead of getting and staying on god’s road I’ve been on the wayside…and I find myself being picked at like the birds in the sky…I hear things that are not true but some how I believe them (things like I have little, next to no value, talents, anything to give…let alone give them, insecurity, fear)
Which caused me to be come stone like (why should I help them? They don’t want my help, they don’t think I can do anything…I am not valuable let alone wanted) so when there is a problem, I don’t want to help, stony, thorn like

So when the hurts come, things are said, I am talked about etc…I find myself cowering in fear and wrapped up in my failures…which are not hidden. And I find myself slowly withering away…nothing let to give let alone give anything

Then a situation happens and I find myself annoyed, or upset, discomforted and I don’t even know why! I just know I feel prickly and icky. Can’t out my finger on it, I start to look around and see where I can lay the blame on that one. Then I realize that it’s ME! My soil is dirty and icky. Not them! her! him! or that and this! But me. My soil

So I suck dirt, as i love to call it....ha! Tell god that somehow I find myself on the wayside, not on the road, not on the path he wants for me everything seems off and wrong. I surrender and give up power, control and my life back to him or try to so he can put me back on the road and when I do I am know that I am going to start to flourish again, to produce again

So today. I start all over. Again

Posted by mel at 1:28 PM