yesterday morning
notice i said the picture was taken yesterday morning
that would be a sunday morning
what a morning it was
i've been staying home with ellie for the last while because our church offers live services. so what i have been doing is putting ellie down for her typical 2.5 hr nap and watch the service live on line
as far as i know i am the only one who is doping this. being the first is always 'scary' because i don't know what the out come would be for doing something different
what out come you ask? why, judgement, condemnation, bad talk behind my back. i've dealt with these feelings of "what will people think?" for well, the whole time i've done this
so yesterday morning we have a quest speaker and wouldn't you know the love feed is not working. i was getting so mad!
so i stopped and focused on why i am really upset. then i realized that i felt condemnation for stay home.
not from me but from what i fear others will think and then say about me
i turned the computer off and asked god to speak to my heart and boya he did
he told me that going to church doesn't make me any more a christian than someone who doesn't regularly attend and that in stead being afraid of others and their opinions i am wasting thoughts on what he wants to share with me. so god and me had us some 1 on 1 church. i spent the time cleaning my house, preparing for this coming week of school and spending time with my daughter
while doing those things god clearly showed me that i am indeed doing exactly what i am suppose to be doing. which is spending time with him, while i cared for my families needs but instead of worrying about others i need to focus on him to hear his voice through all the craziness of every day life
so when chris came home he asked how my morning was. i honestly, for the first time ever, with out any guilt, worry and condemnation which leads me to feel so yuk i replied "fantastic!"
so for now, for this season which will change, i am doing what i suppose to be!
5 comments:
I miss you and I miss Ellie, but you are exactly where you need to be :)
and good for you for being brave and doing, once again what is right for your family. I also care way too much, by times what others think and I often condemn myself.
I was selfish to say what I said last night about not getting to know Ellie....love you xo
lo lo! don't be so silly! you didn't say anything wrong :)
i came home last night and i shared with chris what the meeting was about, what you said and i told him "due, i am a work at home mom!"
thank you!
I totally relate! My God is always beside me, and I talk with him constantly.
What a angelface, kisses
Aunt S
it is true. god is always with us, good and bad. he covers us with his love and protects us and walks through the rough times with us. he is the air we breath!
:)
I totally understand about this. Remember when Charlie was really sick her first year, I stayed home most of the time since that was where she was the healthiest. I also felt condemnation and guilt, but can see that we shouldn't feel that way!
Post a Comment