i wanted to cry

and i did

yesterday morning was a rough morning. the kids were all wonky, and i had things to get done.  i was working away, trying to get 'things done' and left the girls to play.  after 10 mins of quietness....i went looking for them...cause ive learned quiet play is not good....ha

i walked into this.  i snapped a pic. then cried.  they emptied 3 drawers (dbl drawers) on the floor and threw them around the room. this is on top of what i already had on my plate for the day

ellie said "mom! im helping you with the laundry!" 
yes, yes, you did help me ellie...

i decided to not react. and sat down and quietly refolded and put everything away.  i calmly asked nate to watch the girls and i explained to ellie that throwing clothes from folded drawers was not helping with the laundry....ha

i was reflecting on this this morning.  i was bathing the girls, nate was doing school and again life is full of not so fun times.  arguing with nate, asking ellie to do what i ask and keeping my eye on johana. all at the same time.  looking forward to nap time, cause then im down to 2 kids.  nap time is when i focus on nate and we do school, then i take an hr or so and spend it with ellie to fill her tank

after nap time, which i remember long ago was "nap=me fill up and recharge time" is not that anymore.  its finish school, check school, clean up a mess or 2, throw laundry in, run the vacuum. again.  think about supper and what to make, break up some fights, referee a situation. answer the door, the phone, my texts.  deal with my kid's friends and their school days, make a snack or 2 or 6.  clean them all up...count the minutes until chris is here....get supper on. clean that up.  make lunches for tomorrow and on and on until bed time

bed time. me time

but not really, jo is up till 8. nate goes to bed around 9-10

so when is me time?  for this season there is not much of it.  and im ok with it.  when i get frustrated i remember the days and years i had to myself, before kids, even with just nate, i had so much time, time to think, create, be selfish and enjoy me. i had a quiet, clean house. clean walls, clean tables and clean closets

i had a quiet house. 1 kid is not a whole lotta work. i enjoyed nate, we had so much fun together but something was missing

life was missing
messes were missing
filled to the top days were missing

and we had 2 more girls
making my life filled with life
and you know what?

this is the life i dreamed of
the life i wanted
the life i was created for

having kids is not a pain or an inconvenience
its a growing season for me
its a blessing

its a season that will be over
and when that season is here, i can have a minute to think, to talk, to walk to read

but until then, i can talk to my kids, think about my kids, walk with them and read to them

tuck them in with a kiss and an i love you

this is the life i dreamed of
the life i am so thankful for

thank you jesus for filling my days up with my joys. thank you for the messes to clean and mouths to feed. thank you for the chance to grow and rely on you more than ever

thank you for showing me how precious time is. how great it is to get a minute to enjoy the quiet

im thankful. so thankful and i would not change my life for anything

*im also very thankful for coffee and wine, amazing friends and coffee dates

Posted by mel at 10:29 AM