2010
It’s over! Just a few more delicate hours and I can sip my wine, kick my feet up, smile and think
I living loving made it!
hands down this year has been the worst year of my entire life
after i had nate. i remember living way out in memramcook aka my little house in the country...and it was really just that, sitting on a hill that almost look like the house will soak into the ground or fold under the big hill behind it. i loved it. i loved my life. i would walk and think and pray and talk to god and as i came around the final corner of my walking path i would stop and look at the view from the huge hill behind my house that over looked memramcook and the fundy. simply breath taking. as i stopped and breathed i would always think the same thing
"pinch me. my life is perfect"
the next 2 yrs i would often tell chris variations of "my life is so wonderful good, can it be real? i often think i am living this dream and i am afraid to wake up. i have SO much"
i love life
starting with last dec, 1 month after losing our son my year of utter "what is GOING on here?" started...this year we have faced in no particular order
-death of our son
-death of a family member who we loved
-work issues for chris
-church issues
-stepping down as kids pastor
-friend issues (i mean supporting close friends going through trials)
-family issues (and i mean problems)
-having some more miscarriages
-financial tighten ups
-marriage issues (that have been worked out)
-physical problems
-nate's pushing the 3's
-car/van's breaking down
-my dad's cancer
-questioning the future. big time
-dealing with jealousy/resentment towards my sister for having her baby
-struggling with being honest with myself and digging out crap that i hid away
-parenting. man it's SO hard
yep. it's was a craptastic year over all
BUT
it's got to get better right?! ha
i have had some not so shinning moments over the past 12 months. said things i regret, done things that were stupid, stayed home when i should have gone out, ignored god when i should have listened, avoided confrontation when i should have spoken out, not been a friend when i was needed...but i learnt. i did grow and over all i am pleased
it's not how you start it's how you finish, right?!
i was asking god a few wks back to give me a something for this new year. i heard the following
"i make everything beautiful in my time"
"everything becomes new"
it was easier to get through the year with god. he never left me. he never said it would be easy. but he's here. he's holding me. he loves me. he knows my heart, my desires and the super coolest-fab-o-u-lis thing is that his dreams for me are better than ANYthing i can dream up (and man, i can dream!)
and with that i eagerly await midnight tonight to kick 2010 in the bum (as nate would say) and embrace 2011 with wonder, excitement and mystery
what will this year bring us?
Winter Walk
3 years ago
10 comments:
Mel,
You amaze me! You are courageous, brave, real, raw, inspirational, humorous, godly and blessed!
Love your blog and what you bring to the table. I pray the new year will do all the God has planned for you...which is like you said far beyond anything and everything you've ever dreamed!
Penny
wow...i think our friend penny summed up everything i was thinking.
you are a truly transparent women whom I hold with such high respect and love as a wife, mother and especially a close friend whom i can trust with every thought and our many chats!
2011 has alot blessings for the eigenheer family...are you ready for whats in store?! Never give up on those dreams that God has given you...."Gods delays are not his denials"
love,
Misty
Melanie, I barely know you but I always find strength in your words. I love the raw, sincerity of your posts, and the heartfelt joys that you share, along with the bad & the ugly. What I find most inspiring is that your posts never end with the bad & ugly - they always speak of hope - even when you may not mean for them too. I, myself, have stopped posting personal blogs because I've so often felt lost, or at a loss for words; or when life is in a frazzle, I just don't know how to express myself. I've rarely commented on your posts for the same reason, but have looked on silently with admiration. You are one incredible woman!
Happy New Year!
Shannon
thanks for the kind words but trust me. i am so not even close to where i want to be. i have discovered 1 thing, it's easier to be real and wear how i feel than hide it. sometimes i think i share way too much (bad habit of not proofing anything before i hit send) but then again, that's me! all over the place
it is true thou, i can't imagine not knowing the lord, esp on those "what in the (^&^*(( am i suppose to do??" times :) haha
oh yeah forgot...p & m you guys should blog :)
Haha! I just started blogging...but I don't have the knack like you! I'm a beginner and hoping that I get better at expressing and finding the balance between what I feel and what I decide to share!
You can check it out...I follow you, so I think you can find mine that way. If not I'll post the link :)
no blogging in my future my dear...i not a gal that articulate what i am thinkin' and put it on paper. i'll leave the writing to p & m!
Misty
I got all the self-filtering genes in the family. I only share what I am ready to share. And I ALWAYS proof everything! LOL
Here's to the best year ever, 2011!
p-you blog! how did i not know this? i will linkyloo you stat! and catch up!
m-trust me. anyone can blog. this is my second blog, i kick myself for deleting the first one. blogging is about you! being you. sharing you!
c-i know. i share WAY to much on here but it's actually a lot easier to be real doing that...haha
besides anyone who can read my redic bad english, spelling, punctuation, grammer (or is it grammar...haha) mistakes, run on sentences and made up/created words...they deserve a prize
love me and my bad english!
I love your honest heart. It has been a very difficult year for you! :( I pray that this will be the year that you see and feel God turning your "ashes into beauty".
xoxoxHolly
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