ben's autopsy results

yes, it has taken me almost 4 yrs to get it and read it.  why?  i was scared.  i was trapped in torment and fear.  i decided to 'face my fear and find my strength"

or as heb 11 so elegantly puts it as turning your weakness into your strength

i got the report yesterday and went through it with a fine tooth comb.  the report is written in medical jargon and it took me a few hrs to grasp the word, what they mean etc...

my 2 biggest fears were these

1-i killed him by eating or not eating properly. by having a glass of wine before i knew i was preggers, my not taking the vac against the swine flu which was at it's peek when i was pregnant, and simply my body was not strong enough to grow a baby and i killed him

2- he was dead at 14-15 weeks and i never felt him move like i swore i did.  that i did in deed carry a dead baby for a month before the bleeding started. this would change my world by thinking i knew my body but in reality it was all just in my head....fear!!

so.  the report is inconclusive. meaning there were more than 1 factor that indicated his death.  i'll put the report in point form, it's easier to grasp :)

-there is no cause that can be defiantly stated for cause of death
-there was no gross malformations
-chromosomal abnormality such as triploidy can not be ruled out
- there is evidence of remote bleeding of a potential fetal etiology

diagnosis-this is where i spent most of the time sorting and figuring it out.  i broke it down in to this chart so i could understand it better

1)- ben is classified as a still born intrauterine demise
      -not regular growth&development

2) ben was delivered with sever maceration-grade 3
    this is the point that freaked me out!  i did a lot of research to understand this term.  SO glad i did!  the answer gave me such peace!
       -ben's body was delivered as moderate....meaning going with his development and condition that he was delivered his showed the sign of passing 1 to a few days! 
        -ben's body had grown to approxy 14-15weeks BUT his internal organs such as heart, kidneys, lungs and liver etc were grown to 19 wks! 
  
3) ben's placenta

a) the umbilical cord had increased stromal macrophages
the stromal is the supporting frame work of the blood cell (white i believe)
the macrophages is the connective tissues in the blood stream

b) ben's membranes

- he had increased macrophages which is the large white blood cell that is responsible for his immunity system.  after doing much research i discovered that too much of the macrophages leads to the medial term spontaneous abortion in the 2nd trimester.

-there is features of remote retromembranous hemorrhage

c) villi which dose the  absorption and transport the nutrient into the blood & the lymph had variable maturation meaning not fully developed and it was predominantly avascular
    -avascular-when it is messed with it causes the bone components to decrease which leads to death and does it by interrupting the blood supply

d) ben's basal plate - the basal plate during pregnancy helps pass the nutrients from the mother to the baby to sustain it. ben;s had focal acute retroplacental hemorrhage

there is more medical talk about what his death could be but really no one knows. 

one day i will know what happened but i can fold the papers up, put them in ben's box and can finally have peace to know that i truly did nothing wrong to cause him to die and i really did feel him move

i faced my fear. the torment can leave now.  i have peace. i found strength i didn't know i had. 

Posted by mel at 12:53 PM