the results are in. sorta. kinda.
i finally made the dreaded appointy to get the results of baby ben. i am SO glad i was not emotional yesterday. why? Because my reg dr was not available, so i got the dr on call. as we were walking to the room the convo went like this
dr"is this your post opt appointy?"
me "yes, 8 weeks after"
dr "where's the baby?"
me "i think you need to read my chart"
she took me to the room, gave me the sheet to cover myself and left the room
she came back, sat down beside me and said "first i want to say how sorry i am for asking you where the baby was. i feel awful. i went out and read your chart and i could not believe i said that"
she felt SO bad
anyways. then we went over the deets of the reports that she had. we are still waiting on the final report. the iwk sent the findings off for more testing. which is good. what we do know is this
ben's body stopped growing at 15 weeks and was in perfect formation. every body part and organ was in tack BUT his heart and lungs were developed to a not quite 19 week baby. I KNEW IT
ben was alive at 18 wks. they tried to tell me he wasn't. but i KNEW he was alive, i felt him, i saw him move. i KNEW it! my gut tells me that he died on the weekend, then i started to bleed on wed
so they decided to send for more tests. which now leads the cause of death to be 2 things
chromosome or genetic. the dr feels that it would be more likely to be chromosomal because i did carry nate and birth a perfect (yes he is!) baby.
we are crossing all fingers and toes that it is chromosomal. the other good news is that my cervix is closed, tilted (thanks mom) and gone back to it's proper place, my uterus (thanks crunches) has shrunk to it's normal size and my physical body looks good (thanks treadmill) we were given the "ok by not ok-ing out loud" to try again. soon. like 2 months ago. har sorry dad for reading that and this...i am still waiting for my period to come back but hey, my track record for that is not great...we could be waiting for a very long time :)
a wise friend once asked me what i thought happened to ben, i said i didn't know. then she looked at me and said "your mother's heart knows why, take the time to find the answer" at first i was taken back. then i took the time and thought about it.
my gut tells me it was a chromosomal issue. there i said it. thanks misty :)
we will get the final results around aprilish. iam also having more blood work done on monday
nateness
we skipped nate nap yesterday for the dr's appointy. i put him to bed at 7, at 7:10 he was asleep. i woke up this morning at 7:30, then at 8 i peeked at him, he was asleep, so i got my clothes out, cleaned up, took a shower, made a cup f coffee went back to get him at 8:45 and he was STILL sleeping, so i turned off his music, turned on the light, blew my hair dry, made another cup of coffee (our coffee machine is LOUD) went in at 9 and he was STILL sleeping. i finally woke him up bec we were expected to be somewhere at 9:30! i wonder how long he would have slept with out me waking him???
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