reflections

i was asked to speak at a ladies event and the topic is reflections. i will be away so i can't do it (darn it. you's know how i adore PUBLIC speaking!) anyways i have been thinking about this topic and i played the "what would i say if i was doing it" game

last week nate came running into the room to show me his picture. i said "just a sec" (cause you know i was busy) he called me again, and again and again...

"nate! WHAT do you want?" i yelled? with some *cough* minor frustration

he looked away and said "this" as he gave me the picture and walked away

a few days later

"mom! mom! MOM! look at me! i have to show you something!!!!!!!!!!"

"just a sec dude, cause you know i am busy doing something...."

"MOM! LOOK MOM!!!!!"

i turn my head and quickly glanced at the treasure he held in his hand "great job buddy" i said as i went back to doing what ever i was doing

i saw his feet some to me. stop in front of me. he took his hands and put them on my face and said "mom. look at me with your eyes"

i went back to thinking about reflections/mirrors and what i saw i did not like

i took a real hard look at me and i did not like what i saw reflecting back

i can only imagine what nate see's

what does he see when he sees me?

frustration? anger? impatience? hostility? annoyance? disinterest? bored? not caring?

harsh hu?

then and there (after i sucked some holy dirt) i made a choice to watch my face with nate ESP when he is being challenging

what do i want him to see?

i want him to see what god see's when he looks at me

love, adoration, joy at simply calling me, a smile, a hug a kiss, positive encouragement, a soft word, patience, understanding

if god flows through me shouldn't it flow to my son?

i've made a huge change in this area and i saw a change in nate right away

i want nate to see in my face how much i love him, how special he is. i have changed my attitude towards his negative behavior. it's no longer a problem to fix but instead it's a learning time. for him and me

eyes of understanding to respond and see what i am called to do or how god's word translation says "i will have deeper insight and i will know with confidence what to do" eps 1:18

Posted by mel at 10:43 AM