3 weeks already
wow
it amazes me, the feelings, the emotions, the pain and the sorrow. some days i can't believe it's over.
what amazes me even more is the love, support, calls, emails, prayers and over all reaching out i have received. what shocks me the most is this...i have received the most support from people who i thought would support me the least!
my wonderful father in law sent me a note from someone who he knows who is also going through a rough time. it said the following (it's long and i did add and change a few words around)
"do not be sad, for the suffering you see, it unlocks the love in people's heart. look at how people come together, drop their differences and show love and compassion for those who suffer. all their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep this love locked up in their hearts and don't share it. they are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt....those who are always to busy, find time. many begin new spiritual journeys, some regain their lost faith, many come back to god. (parents hug their kids tighter (oh now nate will testify to this!!). friends and family grow closer and spend more time together (chris will also testify to that!). old friends get together (ohh the "old" friends who have contacted me, blows me away) new friendships are made (than you, new friends!). distant families are reunited (again, aunts that i haven't spoken to in yrs have written to me, thank you!) everyone begins to pray. peace and love begins to reign."
i have my moments. i cry daily. not for long, i won't let myself fall into depression. i miss ben. i have many challenges a head, i know there will be some tough days
my body is slowly returning to normal. with out going into the nasty deets. my body did everything it should do when you have a baby. i had milk supplies with nate, but baby! i could have fed ben for years! the milk has finally dried up, the bloating is going down, i can now get into 2 pairs of pants...it's great to switch back and forth...ha!
the most surprising deets was the ppd! i had ppd with naters. it started a few days ago. it was nothing but horrific in every aspect! chris has been a dream, he holds me as i cry the clouds away, he lets me talk until my throat is dry (and trust me that can take a long time) he's the best. it's also a sign that the hormones are settling down and will return to normal soon!
for those ubber religious folks, ppd is real. it's nothing to mess with. it can do megga damage if not treated properly! pray all ya want but until the hormones settle and do what god made them to do, it can be ugly!
i have much to be thankful for, i have good things ahead. with chris at my side and god in control, i can get through this!
Winter Walk
3 years ago
4 comments:
Dear Melanie,
We have never met. You know my husband, Jeremy, however. I have been catching up on your blog, after seeing a link on your husbands status one day, as Jeremy & I browsed through his friends list . . . I am astounded by your strength. Thank you. You are an inspiration!
We are living in Edmonton, Alberta, currently. We love it here, but miss home. Especially around the holidays. The big move has made us lose many friends, for different reasons - but we are constantly reminded that we still have one another, and God - and new friends will come in place of those who have proven to be lesser friends than God wants for our lives. It's amazging . . . and truthfully, it has been a struggle. I have been homesick at times, emotionally at times and just wanted to pack our bags and head home, to easy street!
After reading your blog, I realize, there is no easy street but only the courage to press on and continue with the lives God has given us, and to be thankful for the people he has brought into our lives.
Thank you for your honesty. You have given me more strength to get out of bed and continue on this journey and path God has set before us. You've inspired me to be excited for the future - whatever it may hold, and to be thankful for my amazing husband, friends and family (near or far).
I love the real-ness of your blog. The fact that you're not worried about saying your mind or the facts that are before you! Thank you, Melanie.
Jeremy & I are thinking of you and your family, and are praying for God's peace to be with you during this difficult time.
Merry Christmas!
Shannon & Jeremy Murray
aww thanks shannon, i know your hubs. when chris and i first moved to moncton we lived in his basement!! ha! those days were fun...
thanks for your kind words. i do have to correct 1 teeny, tiny, thing. i am worried about what i blog about sometimes...ok all the time! i always ask chris if i said to much, he tells me to keep it real. so i try. i think what helps is that i sit down (with a coffee) and type. i put little, next to no thought as to what i am typing. i never proof read. i just click send. ha.
i totally understand what it's like to pack up everything and move across the country with your hubs. i did it. it was so hard. i left everything and everyone behind to marry this swiss dude. i left my most amazing job evah, my bestest friend(s), my family, my life. i knew 1 person in saskatoon. it was the hardest but most rewarding years of my life. it's never easy to do what the right thing is, evah.
i can tell you that you will grow in eddy. it will be wonderful! you will hear god so clear, grow so close to your hubs and become the woman that god wants you to be. hard times build character! ha!
thanks again for your kind words, esp during a hard time for moi.
god said that it won't be easy-peasy but he did say that he will always be with you. it's so true!
email me if you like. it's mel_eigenheer@hotmail.com
m
Hey Melly. I haven't stopped thinking about you guys and you will continue to be on my heart. I've had to deal with things in my own heart as we shared the same due date pretty much (my US says April 28th).
I sang a Solo for our Christmas Concert and it was the weekend that Ben was born. I would be lying if I said I wasn't terribly emotional during my practices and even performances - I sang the song One Child (Natalie Grant sang it) and at the end, I always had a very hard time singing those words because the whole time I sang I was thinking of Ben.
And my thoughts have been on you ALOT since we found out that we too are expecting a boy.
Your honesty and the way you share your heart is touching and I know that there are women who hurt the way you do and now don't feel so alone. I am so proud of you, you are a strong woman who doesn't need to be or need to feel strong all the time...it takes courage sometimes to be weak, to bear your heart, and to let people in. I love you Mel...
thanks em. i can't say more cause i don't want to turn the water tap of tears on...ha..ok for real. somedays are good. some are hard, right now it's hard but i know it's going to get better
at times like these, i adore my 2 yr old who gives me hugs and sticky kisses everytime i ask him with no reason...and ends it with a "i wove you mommy"
off to get my hugs now
p.s yeah for having a boy! i love little boys. i wanted another boy and knew ben was a boy. i was right :)
Post a Comment