i redid my fireplace a month ago. chris noticed it yesterdaythis started out as a silly post but has turned into something not so silly anymore
isn't it funny how a little something can turn into a not so silly funny?
i still hurt for my son, i think i always will. he came as a surprise at a time that i needed it and left too soon to full fill it
i never know when something will trigger or upset me
ppl don't usually it's just something i see
i miss you, my house is just too quiet with out you. you should be here. you are a part of us and always will beso my sis and mom and i went to see the help. finally. it was great! loved it and was totally into it until the scene. i wasn't expecting it, it came and knocked me in the gut. i felt tears come, i fought them....thinking "i will so not cry in a movie theater and i will NOT cry. NOT cry. NOT cry" think happy thoughts... no one told me there was going to be a scene in this movie
and to most ppl it would not be a second thought
unless it's happened to you (for those who have not seen the movie there is s scene where a lady suffers a miscarriage)
in a second i was back on the hospital floor, surround with blood. sobbing, there was just so much blood. to give my friend a visual, what you saw in the help is what happens in a late term loss
when it happened to me. i remember feeling my water break, then seeing the blood come down. blood soaking my hospital gown, then down my legs and making puddles on the floor
i remember saying to chris "i am going to pass out now" and i did
i've always wondered why i passed out
was it the blood? i hate blood and have a tendency to pass out at the sight of it
or the emotional pain, knowing and at the same time not knowing what was going to happen. like a circuit over load. i can't hand;e it anymore. i need a break
i woke up on the floor (ick) but the blood was gone, they cleaned it up when i was out
sitting in the theater, 1 split second, the pain was back. the blood. the tears
i kept it together until yesterday. we got home. i went to my room, curled up like a baby and bawled
it's just not fair
why? why me? why now?
where are you?
http://youtu.be/eGMO8QuLW6s
and yet i know you know, he's had his heart broken too, for me, over me and all about me
(going through with drawl from anitdepressants too help much!)
3 comments:
I am so sad you had to go through the emotions and feelings alone that brought back memories of loosing your precious BEN....No words can express how truly sorry I am that I didn't mention the scene to you. Life and sorrow is just not fair!!
Love you!
Misty
Sending you lots of hugs.
DF
Just one comment about the Mel in drug withdrawal.
You were direct and to the point with your comments, and clearly stated how you felt. It was very refreshing! Maybe you will keep some of that, and not always worry so much about making everyone else feel good.
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