mondays madness!

my child listen to what I say,

and treasure my commands.

tune your ears to wisdom,

and concentrate on understanding.

cry out for insight,

and ask for understanding.

search for them as you would for silver;

seek them like hidden treasures.

then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,

and you will gain knowledge of God.

for the Lord grants wisdom!

From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

he grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.

He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.

he guards the paths of the just

and protects those who are faithful to him.

then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,

and you will find the right way to go.

for wisdom will enter your heart,

and knowledge will fill you with joy.

wise choices will watch over you.

understanding will keep you safe.

i read the above on sat, wanted to blog it but ran out of time. 3 days later i read it, after going thought the past 24 hrs and realising that understanding wisdom, knowing god, provided protection and to speak understanding and knowledge from my own mouth. while sitting in the emergency room, unable to find a heart beat, bleeding. waiting. waiting

last night, after an amazing secret planned date from chris. which i will blog later, i came home, drove the babysitter home. had a snack, got ready for bed. and saw the blood

the exact same blood as before

i called chris to get up stairs

he came and saw the blood

we called a friend, who came over around 10:30 to be with nate. thank god for friends. thank god for friends who pray, drop everything and watch my son! what a blessing!

we went to the hospital, after waiting and registering we were shown to our room. i saw the clock. it was 11:30 (not bad timing v!) we were asset by the dr and then they tried to find the heart beat, after 15 mins no heart beat was found

the dr left to get the specialist

i sat on the bed

every thought ran through my head, i felt that i was split in 2. i didn't know what way to go. so i believe and hope for the good? dream and stay focused. believe that the baby is alive?

or do i carefully plan and prepare myself for the worst. start to run through my mind the events that would take place...would i have to deliver again? when would this happen?

or do i beg god for mercy, throw every last i promise i will do better if you just give me this one last thing? thoughts of "how can i go through this again? how will i face my pregnant friends? how ever will i get over this? where are you god? what have i done?"

i asked chris what to do. where should i put my thoughts? he said this, with tears in his eyes "i don;t know mel, my heart says nothing. but i do know that god told me that we would have another child, i heard him say it, we heard p.peter speak over our baby, this is all i know"

i sat there and stared at the floor. i thought to myself....god, i don;t know the future. i don;t know whey this is happening again, i don't know what's going to happen. but i do know this, you didn't leave me the first time, you won't leave me this time. only you can help me right now. please save my baby but if things are bad, give me the strength to live again"

chirs then pulled out his phone and started to read ps 23. which freaked me out! out off all the things to read, he randomly picked the chapter that i have been teaching nate! he had NO idea about this and as he read it, i listened, not as a mom sitting in the er facing another dark night but as a mother listening to the words she said to her own son

the lord is my Shepard (mine, no one elses) he's all i need
he leads me besides the green pastures (he gives me peace to sleep)
he leads me to quiet waters
he restores my soul
he guides me in paths of righteousness ...he's with me!
for his name’s sake.
even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death...i am going to walk through this! BUT
i will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
you prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever

forever. no matter. forever

we then read ps 91 until the dr came back. i was then given an internal, poked some more, and the specialist went to find the heart beat. i held my breath

5 mins later, which felt like hours

bump, bump, bump, bump 148 beats per min

my baby's heart beat!

after having some blood tests run, a painful shot of winrow (sp?) we left the hospital at 2 am, to return this morning for an ultrasound

we left knowing it could be these following situations
1-miscarriage
2-placenta problems. tearing, holes, slipping or detaching. this is how we lost ben
3-small hole in the placenta and the cervix, my blood and the baby's blood was mixed. the shot will prevent us from losing the baby

we went home. went to bed. and i slept in peace. woke up at 8 to the ultrasound tec, my appoint was for 10:30. i got up and got ready, i asked god for a understanding tec

10:20 i was in the ultrasound room. the tec knew our history and 2 seconds into it, she pulled the screen down and said "heart beat!" then proceeded to spend the next 40 mins showing us every part of the baby. everything is perfect. then, to make it better, she put the camera on live and just let us watch the babe move, we saw hands, legs, kicking, lots of movement

the only part she was not able to share was the placenta/cervix results, we go in thurs for those

i am so pleased with how i responded. tested and proven i thinks! i am taking redic care of myself now, no lifting, no heavy work, lots of rest

i am thankful for so much today. so much

Posted by mel at 12:30 PM