sigh parenting sigh oya!

those who have kids know that they can make you cry. good tears or bad ones

i've been sobbing buckets of sad tears over the last few days. which would be my lack of posts. i've been busy and tired, drained by the end of the day

i love my child. he's the best. he;s also strong willed, stubborn, resistant to change and has developed an attitude, speaking rudely and acting like a mouthy 13 yr old girl

i had to put a stop to this but did not know how. i then stumbled upon a book, cause every problem can be solved in a book. ha

i started reading the book and asked god to show me what to do, how to re-train him and get back the control i no longer had

i was blown away by what i've learnt, and i am still learning, i am only 1/2 way through the book but there has been such huge permanent changes that i wanted to share!

these were the ubber ouchy things i discovered

-what children learn, they can unlearn. children learn what they see, hear or what is allowed in the home...OUCHY!
-only when you break a child's routine, they will stop and see that a change is being made

if you want your child to take you seriously say it only once
then turn your back
and walk away

this 3 step process, which i was like thinking will never work....WORKS!...i was creating this monster child by saying the same instruction over and over, then stood and argued with him or allowed him to take control of the situation by how ever he wanted to act

no more!

i now repeat my instructions once
then i turn my back
and walk away

i EXPECT it to be done. no arguing, no fighting

and guess what? he does it! with a good attitude!

when nathaniel speaks to me in a rude manner. i stop him. i tell him "that is not how you speak. you can ask the question/or say it like this" then i repeat what he said in a positive, respectful way. he then takes a few tries to get it right but eventually does

when nate doe snot listen to me, disrespect me or disobeys he is sent to his room where he is to remain until i call him. it works! i give him zero attention, i remove him from where i am, i then get busy doing something else and take back control

bad attitudes are not caught. if you find that your child has a bad attitude, it's prob bec you have one! this one sucker punched my gut. nate is acting the same way i do. attitudes are caught, not taught. sob sob sob

the key to changing your child is to change yourself. i've taken back the control, stopped the yelling and the redic arguments. i now have a constant form of discipline and i take the time to stop what i am doing and correct him

remain calm! this is a huge one. i let him freak out, yell, stomp and slam doors (i will deal with that later) but once i have given instructions, i turn my back and walk away. the fits are almost nonexistent anymore!

my home is peaceful again. my son is behaving. he;s obeying. he's not arguing. i am not yelling. i am in control again. our school time is a blast! his work has improved so much that i've added more to it

he laps up my love but respects me enough that when i ask him to be quiet when iam on the phone...he is! or when i want to talk to chris, he plays by himself or goes to his room

i can't believe that by seeing my flaws, talking about them ha! is actually the key to restoring my home again

i love this new nate. i love that i don't yell (as much ha) i love that god is giving me another chance at this

i've missed out on some social things (which would explain my absence from things i normally do) to stay home and fix this. so far it's been worth it

i still have like 6 chapters of the book to read but mercy me! i've learnt so much!

so there ya go...i've been busy on my knees and digging back out of this mess i let happen

BUT greater is he is me than what's in this world!

hows that for honesty!?!

Posted by mel at 7:06 PM