i will never have my pre baby body back
ever
and im ok with that. let me explain....
I was doing my normal morning routine, shower and try to
find something that fits. im in between maternity
and my reg clothing. ok, who am i kidding? im wearing maternity with the hopes of 1
day wearing my regular clothing again. ha.
back to my thought, i was trying to find something that i
could wear that didnt scream MATERNITY, while i was going through that stack of
rejects i was starting to feel, well, discouraged. nothing was fitting...i came down an said to
chris "one day i WILL come down not wearing maternity"
a few hours later i was reminded again about my post baby
body, my pregnancy weight gain and how i look now and realized... i didn't not
like how i felt inside. i felt guilty, fat, ugly, disappointed in myself, sad
about not having the time or energy to work out (even if i did have time and energy
i still wouldn't) my inside hurt, i felt
awful and sick
i decided to investigate how and why i allowed myself to be
effected so much by someone's comments to me.
i looked inside and did not like what i saw, and decided to talk to god
about it...mostly just wanting the gross feeling to go away....that almost condemnation
feeling
then i realized that i will never, ever, have my prebaby
body back. ever again. no matter how
hard i work out, how many weights i lift (or dont ha) how many hours i would
put my sneakers thought. i will never look the same again. and i am ok with
that
why?
my body will never claim to "never have carried a baby
before, let alone 4" i did carry a
baby. 4 times. i stretched and grew along
with the baby, those marking will forever be on my body. you may think of them
as stretch marks. i choose to think of them as love marks. my body carried, fed, nurtured and gave nourishment
to my children, how can it ever be
expected to "go back to the way it was" it can't. its been changed for ever and that
is reward i have for giving life to my kids
i refuse to allow condemnation over how i look. i wont allow others to dictate to me how i should or should not look. my babies, all of them, were worth every bit
of it. i dont want to look the way i did
before. im not the same
each baby has brought so much value, love, and yes, work
into my life. each child has taught me
to be less selfish, self absorbed, more patient, more loving, to enjoy the
moment because these years are over so fast.
too fast. and most important...to
connect deeper with god. i can imagine
parenting with out him
i will never have my prepreggo body back and im proud of
it.
4 comments:
amen to that! and like i've always said: i like me some curves... :)
Way to go Mel! Body/weight issues are such a stuggle for most women (myself very much included!!) I'm trying hard to demonstrate to the girls a healthy body image, but it's hard. Because those ugly, fat and condemning thoughts so often sneak in. But isn't it great that we have a God who cares about those details and wants us to live in the freedom of His love and grace!! Even on our "fat days"!?!
Lots of love sent your way,
Ursi
its been what a week now since I wrote this, and to be honest, other than trying to see what fits, thinking about weight and body issues hasn't crossed my mind. not sure if im just focused on other more important things, but I think im over it. there is more to live for than me and how I feel about me :) my pastor preached a great message on sun that totally confirmed what I was feeling....stop thinking about me and my life but think about others. totally works...I just needed a butt kick :) haha the last thing you need to think about ursi is how you look, you look amazing!!! super proud of YOU and your weight loss AND keeping it off after 2 kids! you ROCK!
chris im ignoring you....don't you have a car to work on???? muwahhhhh
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