grapes and ice cream

kinda sorta

take the pain away

i was "off" this morning. not sure what the real problem was...and practicing my new skill of trying to figure it out...i did just that...i left the house, alone, went shopping (heehee) and gave myself time to think, ponder and pray

sitting at the lights at trinity. i felt tears coming, falling and rolling

still not sure why

it hit me, i saw the picture. my hand went to my mouth and i sobbed all the way to store

i saw myself, 1 year ago today. i wore a skirt, tank top and flip flops. i had spent the morning garage sailing or as i like to call it "saleing" with a friend. i came home for lunch. i decided to pee on a stick to rule that out, then go to the dr to get checked out. i tossed the not first morning pee, didn't tell chris, pee stick on the counter. went down stairs to eat. then put nate to nap, went into the bathroom and saw 2 lines

in horror that i did not tell chris i took one (bec i was positive there was no chance) shock that i see 2 lines, excitement at WHAT!!!!!! i ran down stairs to show chris

i said " do you see what i think i see?????"

he said "is this for real?" followed with "can this be true???" with a little "how in the world???" (no worries, i showed him how it could happen to clear that right on up!)

then he said to go buy a real test (i used a $ store one) so off i went to walmart, spent 15 bucks on it. took it and it came back negative

hitting my stock pile i took another test and it showed 2 lines!

then i repeated this for 7 days

they ALL were +'s (yeah for cheapo's)

1 year ago today, i discovered that i was pregnant

man, this whole year of firsts suck! remembering is painful...just a few more to get through

after spending 30 bucks on grapes and ice cream i am eating the pain away

today i allow myself to cry, no guilt. just getting it all on out

Posted by mel at 3:37 PM