joy where are thou?

Often it seems we would rather have another life—any life—than our own. Somehow we think if we lived a different life, it would be easier for us to grow in faithfulness and spiritual character. Yet it is in accepting today with all of its issues, in accepting God’s will and training grounds that we learn the secret of joy in His presence. It is in being faithful to our own set of tests that we become mature and fitted for the ministry He has called each of us to accomplish.” ~Sally Clarkson

i am reading this book right now, so, so good!  i read the above quote last night. it hit me, right to the heart.  i find myself as of the late, looking around and seeing others, what they are doing, how they are living and see myself wishing i could be anywhere than where i am today

i am in the midst of a battle, taking turns and twists i did not expect.  i think that if i change my circumstances then i would feel better or rather, i don't have to face or deal with my struggles. if only i had this or that or was doing this or that or even looking to next yr and the year after.  then! i will be ok.  it will be easier! life will be more enjoyable again!  yes! that's the answer. change my circumstances to find peace and feel better!

but what happens when i simply can't? then i look to the left and right or up ahead. or even count the hours to bedtime, or to when i can sneak a nap in or when i can get a break or step out etc...

i've been shocked to discover that in the midst of having everything i want, doing what i thought i would end up doing, being a stay home mom, with my precious baby girl, homeschooling my kids...my life plan. i have discovered that my joy is gone.  life is hard. the days are long and not gonna lie. it's lonely

where did my joy go? my smile? my silliness?  what happened to me?

maybe if i change what is making me worry, stress or anxious. i will be ok then. my joy will pop back in and life will continue

or

maybe.  being where I am (not where anyone else is, not her or him or he or she but me) is where i need to be to grow in my character, in my faithfulness in life

so how can i? in the midst of a struggling day, just to keep my head up, to breath and through the tears of fear, loneliness, frustration, anger, worry, clouded thinking, weariness. how can i find joy?

i am not sure of that, unfortunately. but i think the first step for me, is to realise that it's normal to feel like this. it's normal to go through the struggles that i am in. it's ok to cry.

so here, in the midst of it all. i am going to get my joy back

tears may come at night (or in the morning or afternoon haha) but there is always joy in the morning

look at the cover of the book. imagine living that way

Posted by mel at 1:46 PM