home schooling!

home schooling is hard.  yes its a choice and yes i can send them to public school.  but....

this blog post is all about home schooling and what i am personally going through, i am sharing my struggles publicly because ive discovered a long time ago its a lot easier to be real and raw and let it out than to hold it in and pretend that everything is just fine and rainbows.

just to be clear, because i know a lot of non home schooling mom's that read my blog, this is NOT a slam against public school, nor an attack or a blog to make you feed bad, guilty or yucky, for a lack of a better word.... this is about me.  how i feel and what i am going through. and just to be clear, i have not and never will use my blog to be passive aggressive to hurt anyone.  this is about moi!

the problem im facing this yr.  i am unable to provide a structure school time for nate. he needs routine and structure.  i am unable to have a solid, sit down and do "school" with him at this time and its frustrating him and me.  we start around 10 and are still picking away at it around 3. im trying to work it in in between feedings, naps, laundry, cooking....and well...life! and its not working.  by 9pm i am exhausted. i go to bed and start the chaos all over.  accomplishing the bare minimal, feeling defeated, tired and a failure. ive never (cant remember if i did) struggled with mommy guilt before but the past few weeks i have.  i lay my head down at night thinking about how i let everyone down, how little i got done and how i failed.  it's awful.  it sucks.  with school weighing heavily on my heart and mind, it came to a blow yesterday...

during school time nate was being argumentative and hard headed.  probably due to the pressure cooker storm i feel that im living in, i resorted to tears and going to chris telling him that i cant take it anymore!  the pressure of school, the arguing. the time i put into school to have no results.  the amount of interruptions that cause more arguing, its hard!!  chris said that its time to put him in school, and wanted to take him to the school to register him.  i didnt want to, not yet, i just wanted to pray about it...and to really think about this....

so, i came up 3 choices to solve this problem for this school yr

1-put him in public school for a yr or 2. not for academics/learning, but just to take the easy way out and let someone else handle him for 6 hrs a day while i get a break and spend time with the girls. life would be easier!!!  oh my!!!!  i could get things done!!! i could have peace!!!  i could have ME time. the possibilities are making me drool... i could pull nate out next yr and continue on with homeschooling once i am able to provide more structure for him.  school would just be a place for him to go, have something to do...BUT i honestly dont think nate would do well in a school setting, not being able to talk, to ask questions to think beyond the assignment, besides, i am not sure what grade he actually would be in...

2-unschool for a yr. just do nothing.  no structure, no books, no sit down and do anything....but allow him the freedom to choose everything he wants or not wants to do....but this would not work because of nate's personality (see below)

3- make school work

after talking and crying and praying and more crying. ive decided that i will keep home schooling, as much as i REALLY REALLY REALLY want to take the easy way out and have someone else deal with him each day. i can't. i just can't

so how can i make it work? how can i meet all of his needs, ellie's and jo's? chris??  and still smile???? 

not sure....but after doing some reading late last night, with jo in my arms, i came across this amazing article that really helped me put things back into order....and i want to share some of it with you

article in full can be found at http://www.mariannesunderland.com/2014/03/homeschooling-strong-willed-child/

article is in blue, my thoughts are in red

If you are the parent of a strong-willed child, let me first reassure you that strong-willed kids are born that way.  It is NOT your fault that your child sincerely believes that the world revolves around him (or her).

Strong-willed kids are often natural born leaders.  They are wired with an extra dose of confidence and vision.  Unfortunately for parents, these traits, combined with their still underdeveloped frontal lobes, lack of wisdom and experience, can create a kind of perfect storm in the home.

These kids really do believe that they have it all figured out.  When things don’t go their way, they are prone to frustration and outbursts of anger.  As illogical as it may seem to the causal observer, this is how it is.  So how do we teach these kids so they grow into their leadership skills without crushing their spirits (which, at times, is very tempting)?

 There are definitely parenting methods that work better than others.  

Parenting is one thing, homeschooling is another.  Schoolwork can be difficult at times.  Motivating the strong-willed student is about balancing letting him lead with developing the character, mainly patience, to persevere through hardships with grace.  

How to Homeschool the Strong-Willed Child

Let them choose

The leader within these kids is chomping at the bit to get out there and lead. When possible, let them.  This looks different at different ages.  You are the best judge of which areas your kids can handle making choices in and which ones they cannot. 

i find with nate at his age, if i allow him to much freedom to choose he will try to run the show.  at this time, its almost impossible to sit down with him at uninterrupted.  so, for this season i am simply allowing him the freedom to decide where he wants to work and when possible the order in which he can study his subjects

Find the ways that they learn best

nate is confusing in this area, i find with each subject he learns differently.  e.x he loves manipulative with math and when we use them he picks up the concept fast but does not like using manipulates with spelling, so for spelling we use a black and white, no photo text book.  he keeps me on my toes in this area

Set up firm boundaries with known consequences

As a Christian, I understand there is no substitute for prayer and a heart submitted to God.  While we strive for a changed heart in our strong-willed kids, we definitely use prayer and consequences when it comes to changing the behavior of our more stubborn kids.

this is where i need help! i am weak in staying consistent.  nate needs it! but ive noticed that clear cut boundaries work for him. the more firm i am with him, the better he is!  i started using a list system that is working!  i make a list on stick it notes and leave them out for nate to check off and complete, it saves me from repeating myself over and over e.g of a list

-put away glue

-hang up jacket

-put clothes away

-pick up monshies and put away

-have your snack

i leave out a good 3-6 lists each day. 

Both rewards and consequences speak loudly to strong-willed kids.  They can earn rewards for persevering through hardship.

last yr i started the color a square that really worked! but this yr because we don't have a solid school time or routine, i have not started the colors. BUT i discovered that his love language is 30 min of his fav video game AFTER school work is done works like a charm. he doesn't get any screen time other than that

On the other hand, if our son is rude or disrespectful, he knows that he will be disciplined.  Even though his school can be hard for him, even overwhelming at times, he simply cannot learn that behaving in a rude or disrespectful manner is ever okay.

this is an on going area that i need to work on him with, because he knows everything his attitude comes out fast, esp in public.  im praying god will show me a solution in this area

Use their interests to motivate them

There is great freedom in homeschooling to create an environment where learning takes place in a huge variety of different ways.  Take advantage of that, be creative!  Don’t be afraid to think and homeschool outside the box.

this is another area that i have no idea what to do.  nate is NOT interested in anything, he has no hobbies, no interests other than screens and reading.  he thinks a lot. like all the time, but to have something that interests him?  nope. its the oddest thing.  nate has never played! i got rid of all of his toys, seriously he doesnt play anything!  (minus lego and monshi's) ellie? the girls PLAYS, its amazing to watch!

Choose your battles

There was a time on our parenting careers where my husband and I set the bar for our kids way. too. high.

Does God require perfection in you, dear mama?  No, He doesn’t.  He doesn’t require first time obedience either.  Although I am sure that it would please Him.  Choose grace (and consequences, if needed) and live with your kids in an understanding way.  Save the battles for the non-negotiables.

maybe im being too hard on him??  parenting is one big guessing game of chess, moving pieces and praying you are doing the right thing...

Look for the good

Some kids are natural people pleasers.  Strong-willed kids are loving alright, but they are in no way people pleasers.  They tell it like it is and if you don’t like it, you know where you can go!

That is why it is important to look for the good in your strong-willed kids. Let them know that you noticed them being thoughtful or kind or helpful.  If you are constantly correcting and disciplining these kids, that will be their memory of you for time everlasting.

While strong-willed kids definitely require more discipline and correction than others, taking the time to reward the good that they do will help them when it is time again for discipline.

i can honestly say that i am doing this, i have several systems in place on a regular base to boost his self value.  i hesitate to share them not wanting to brag or come across smuggy....but a few things i do on a reg base in earlier bed time to do a devotion and talk/pray and snuggle. right now we are reading a booked called "you are better than you think" its a great conversation starter, i also have reminder notes for him about how special he is, i have poster boards in his room that i leave notes for him etc...

so now that ive made the choice i somehow need to get er done, AND keep my joy during the day.  life, no matter how many kids you have, if you work outside the home, send your kids to school....what ever....is hard!  being a mom is hard! raising kids is hard! BUT god wants us to live our days with joy, enjoying what we do, being content where we are, with out looking at what others have...

and still in the midst of life, i wouldn't change a thing.  

Posted by mel at 12:48 PM