i spent a large part of the weekend setting up for christmas but for some funny reason i just have the tree done....slow and steady i guess
anyways. i was putting the christmas socks up and paused for a quick moment as i hung up ben's. it look me a minute to refocus as i found myself thinking/reflecting over the past 2 yrs. 2 yrs today i met and let go of my son. it feels like days ago. i've been waiting to "get over it" and i've concluded that i never will. he is and will always be a part of my life
the past 2 yrs have been full of the hardest, painful, tearful and depressing days that i have faced. a season of sadness, mourning and torment
but
i've grown and grown and grown. i am pleased with how i've handled it. it's not over yet, life is full of craptastical events but i know this. i was not and will not be left alone
my faith has grown mountains. i've grown a voice. i have strength to let the stupid comments go and not allow ugliness in
as i hung his sock up. i realised that i will always remember him at this time of yr. i lost him on the funnest weekend of the yr. the santa parade, the christmas show, the banquets etc...i will always mark his anniversary on this joyful weekend. it made me sad. so not fair! but a second later i thought "i can allow this to be a sad memory or i can choose to be reminded of what i have" kinda like choose life or death
today i choose life
i will never ever forget you my son. esp today. its not fair that you never got to live. rest in joyful peace today benjamin. i love you
and to add more sadness to this post, today. i want to ask my blogger readers a huge favour. i received word yesterday that an amazing mom in waiting friend has lost her baby. she is having her d&c today. we now share this day. i know where she's at. mercy i do. i've been there. 2 yrs ago exactly. pray a prayer of strength for her. for today, tomorrow, the weeks and yrs coming
it's just not fair
he will wipe away every tear
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5 comments:
My Dearest and Fairest Daughter.
I agree you have grown greatly thur your loss. You have seen the hand of God at work in yours and your family's lives. He will continue to do so as we continue to exalt Him.
I Love you dear Melanie Ann look forward to the days ahead.
See ya soon, Papa
Melanie,
Another one in our club that we never ever wanted to be a part of. Been thinking about you today and yesterday and our precious boys...Jeremiah and Ben on their birthdays with Jesus....hugs, prayers, love you and miss you.
Jodie
love you! and thinking of u alot this weekend.
xo
Misty
What a friend we have in Jesus!That song crossed my mind. And Ben and that other precious baby are with Jesus in haeven and are friends. So we have to leave them there . And together with Jesus we are allways connected. But our place is still on earth and Jesus has an other assingment for us to fullfill. HE Will STRENGTEN US IN HIS MERCY TO GO ON. God bless you in your specific walk.
Thinking of you and your precious Ben! I think you carry that love and hope for what could have been forever. Praying for you and your peace <3
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