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kinda ready?!

we are kinda packed

kinda ready to go on our much planned, much wanted, longed and waited for family vacation

except we are missing 2 ppl

this is not what we planned or wanted

but as p.donny said this am "adjust in love/with love" or something like that. so i am going to try and adjust

so i am working n my attitude and we must for our kids, wipe the tears and go on this trip

mom and dad, i know, i know...we ARE (no pressure or anything) believing that you WILL be joining us soon

and with that, see ya's all in 3 weeks!

i am outta here!

p.s the baby shower was a success! i took no pic's. too busy for that...but the most important thing about the whole shower thing was how awesome it was to see our church family make this couple one of us. it's not about the gifts, the food or what not. it was the love that was shown. if you don't have love, what good are ya?! 0 comments

my dad

nate spent most of his time on the way up to hali "emailing nana, papa, daddy and quinn" he played with his lap top almost the whole time. which was a life saver for me

so this is what happened

tues morning iwas at mom 2 mom and i left my phone in my bag on the chair but i moved tables to make our craft. as i drove home my phone was ringing off the hook but i couldn't reach the phone to answer it. when i got in the door i had multiply mess to call halifax stat

so i called my sis but got her voice mail

so i called chris and got the semi scoop...that dad was being rushed to the hospital by ambulance for what looked like heart problems

after playing the waiting game for 30 mins, i decided to follow my gut, pack a quick bag, gas the car and go home to hali

i got to my sis's house and we all went to the hospital together. then we found out that dad did have a heart attack and had a splint put in the blocked artery

the next day. we found out that the heart attack was a 9.5 out of 10 and that the second artery was 90% blocked

it was bad enough that this was happening and dealing with the vacation too! mon we were all leaving for florida for 2 weeks and a 1 week cruise

the vacation is paid for and we will get nothing back if we don't go. after a redic amount of talking and talking and crying and searching we have decided to leave on monday....hoping dad will follow(and mom) to join us

today dad had his stress test and positively failed it. meaning he has to have another surgery to place another stint in the 90% blocked artery. the soonest he can get in is tues. dad wants us to take the vacation. after speaking with his cardiologist, there is a great chance that dad and mom can join us in 2 weeks. so we have decided, as much as we hate it and many me. MANY tears...that we will leave on mon believing that mom and dad will join us...

it has been one of the worst weeks of my life. the ups and downs, the emotions, tears and sorrow

i decided right off the bat that i would do what i did with ben...1 i will NOT question god and 2. i will NOT get angry, bitter or mad

it's helped

time to lighten this post up!
k. seriously. is there a kid more cuter than this! i adore charlie girl! she is so cute! ha! waiting with uncle jon to see papa

q and n visiting dad for the first time

i don't have words

just tears

making sure dad is ok

both boys are having a hard time
nate refuses to believe that dad won't be coming

hanging with jon in the family wait room

after a long visit with dad yesterday nate crashed

i spent some time with the kiddo's to cheer me up

they baked for me

this morning on the way in to see dad, i decided to tell nate the news that dad will not be coming with us on mon. nate took it bad. the tears, the questions and what surprised me the anger

those are tears

spending time with dad today before we left

great pic of my sis!

being silly on the way home


we came home to mail

a card mom and dad sent nate last week. it's spending money for the trip!

nate was thrilled

he then told me "this is money that papa gave to me to spend on ANYTHING i want" then he paused and said "i will wait for papa to come and spend it with me"

when chris got home, we swapped the 20 with a dollar, bec nate would not let go of it and we were thinking nate would lose it....

see that rocker? got it at a yard sale while back for a buck. nate LOVES it

"this is all for me!"

i am now in a mad dash, panic. today's plan is hair cuts, while throwing laundry in, going to the church to set up for the baby shower tomorrow, then home to START packing, making more arrangements, phone calls, and what not...i am stressing out....

i remind myself of this

God is our refuge and strength,
always ready to help in times of trouble
So we will not fear when earthquakes come
and the mountains crumble into the sea
Let the oceans roar and foam
Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!
A river brings joy to the city of our God

things can't be that bad, there ain't not earthquakes, mtns going into the seas today...


my daddy

prayers please!

my daddy had a heart attack today. he is in the qe2 in hali, he had a blocked artery and has already had a stint (sp?) put in, it looks as though he will have to have another surgery tomorrow to have another stint put in another artery

i am believing for a speedy recovery and total health to my dad. i am up in hali with family

please pray for my daddy, we all need him around for many more years! 3 comments

my uncle

funny how the simplest thing can trigger a wave of thoughts, emotions and memories

it happened to me last week

n and i were sitting at the lights, while waiting i point things out this day i said "nate, look at the truck that has the bucket and the man inside"

it was a n.b power truck, the dude was in the bucket at the top of a pole

as n talked, and talked and talked and talked about this phenomenon

my thoughts brought me back back to the late 80's. we just moved to n.s from calgary and my uncle. my crazy...everyone has an uncle like this!...nutty, outrageous and so very tough uncle worked for the phone company and had a company bucket truck

which during his off hours he would give us kids a ride up in the bucket. totally not safe, a bit illegal and typical of my uncle. we loved these rides! they were the bomb

life is too short to not reflect and express your love for ppl. so with this post, i share (much to his horror at the display of emotion, let alone love) i love you uncle cylde. you have given me so many memories to pass on

oh the stories....

another day

veronique! look what i spotted at the mall!

seriously lacking family time we took off to the park yesterday to feed some ducks and have some family fun play

nate wanted to sneak up and take a duck
see? he's sneaking up....shhhhhh

and off he goes

"gonna get me a duck!"

after he tired out we did some swinging. these swings have new seats! HARD seats! SO comfy to sit on!

us. swinging

sigh. when did he get so big?

pants on the ground dude. seriously matches. from underwares to boots. he's combat baby!

today. after an incredibly tiring morning in the preschool class, we went to lunch at my fav cafe

nate was upset that c took his plate away. this was the look we got

he was not impressed


nate and the loonie

my son has been expressing his twerpy side as of the late. challenging me, being a 4 yr old and a general handful. we both have sinus/head colds that don't seem to be getting better and that would add more &%$%&^*^ hahaha too it

but yesterday. yesterday. in the midst of his redic, annoying, bothersome and over all acting up while out and about he finds a loonie

then he puts it in his pocket for later

later on we have a discussion on how he wants to spend it

we pass a toy machine that you put a loonie in and try to pick up a prize, which like never works. he really wanted to do this. so i told him that he will lose his money and have nothing to show for it. he agrees

then we pass a candy machine. i tell him that he can buy 1 candy, eat it and it's over. nate passed on it

then we pass a toy machine, like the candy but it's full of junky toys. i explain, he passes

then i told him that he can go to the dollar store and he can buy 1 item. anything. this got him all excited as he recounted the amazing selection of toys, candy and tools

i also tell him that he can go to mcdee's and get a burger, or french fries or an ice cream

this too got his attention

nate spent the remainder of the trip thinking, talking and planning on what to do with his treasured dollar

getting into the van he says "MOM! i know what to do with it"

i asked what?

he pulled the dollar out of his pocket and said "i will save this for church and give it to julio. he can buy food and shoes and something to drink or a toy or something like that"

julio (sounds like hulio) is this kid that the super kid academy sponsor and for months i thought nate made him up, he was always talking about this julio kid. finally i asked around and found out that he is in deed real and they save money for him

seriously. my heart. in the midst of his behaviour i see the light

is this how we look at time to the big g? 5 comments

dreaming of negev

when the lord brought back the captives to a zion,

we were like men who

our mouths were filled with laughter,

our tongues with songs of joy

then it was said among the nations,

“the lord has done great things for them.”

the lord has done great things for us,

and we are filled with joy

restore our fortunes,lord,

like streams in the

those who sow in tears

will reap with songs of joy

he who goes out weeping,

carrying seed to sow,

will return with songs of joy,

carrying sheaves with him

when i read this today i saw 2 new things

1-they dreamed. i am just now starting to dream again. how about you? what are your dreams?

2. negev. what is this place? and what ever does it mean?

negev is hebrew and it means dry

negev is also the pace that many ppl were sent for horrible, painful times and experiences. hagar, ishmael (kicked out by sarah) issac and jacob, those israelites wandered there during their journey to the promise land. it's dry, barren at the foothill of mountains and is just an icky non nice place to visit

kinda cool eh? i thinks and i need to thinks of songs of joy today......lalalala


fixer man

nate fixing the car
he is so much like his daddy it's freaky!

nate funny-so i had a list of errands to run today, nate was not being cooperative, he was hyper, bored and being a typical 4 yr old. finally getting frustrated i told him i was not happy with his behaviour and i was ending errands early to bring him home. he said "mommy, i can't help it. i have too much energy to use up"


then his behaviour continued all day, just demanding and driving me nutso. c gets home and i took off for 30 mins to get a break. i get home and c tells me that nate told him that he was "being a handful to mommy all day long" he KNEW what he was doing!

kids! 0 comments

us in pic's

i wanted a bulletin board for the play room that did not have a boarder. couldn't find it so i made it. i took 6 squares (6.00 dollarstore) and glued it to a think pc of plywood

then covered with scrap fabric


my 6.00 pin board for nate!

ohhhhh i am so crafty. bawahhhh!

then c and n made a pumpkin because n totally remembers papa plumps taking the "gooey inside stuff out" from last yr

so c and n made one, it's a "scary face" and it sitting out on our back deck, where we light it at night and watch it glow (sarah, it's an eig thang. kinda like those deer) ha! sorry no pic of scary pumpkin

sat was the annual fall fest

it was fun

really, it actually was, i had a great time

n and weston built a mall, then a store, then a building in the construction site. they hauled all the wood from all over the place

totally kept them busy

working together to get the job done

muetti! roses from my garden! they bloomed again! so perty!

ok. so nate (and all of us) are a wee bit excited about the coming vacay. nate has spent his early mornings packing. everyday he re-packs his suitcase

today it was socks and mickey mouse

mom/dad that's the mouse you got him for his first trip

then we cross the day off the calender. it's a ritual now. he is so excited and so am i!!!

monkey boy jumping on his bed. in his long johns before bed. veronique these are the ones you gave him last yr...sniff, sniff...nate calls them his "johns"

he took his measuring tape to bed. bec he needed it to build things in his sleep

this is him putting his "rockets" on the chair so he can blast off

all ready to go!

seriously he's a tool and i love him

happy non anni-anni!

tomorrow is my 8th anni. tomorrow i will be spending the night with the movie...bawahhhh so i thought today i would celebrate this glorious day. with a head cold, a box of kleenex and buckley's. boo! anyways i got to thinking back on our first anni. it was just us 2. we were living in sasky and decided to go away to cypress hills. it was a fan-tas-tic time. great memories!

as we drove there....this was the typical prairie view
not much going on
endless yellow grass
to the left we have this

to the right we have this
a sign indicating children are playing with balls out here
i am sure of it?
before we got there we had to take this ferry boat, that held 1 car. see. just us 9look how young c looks)

c suprised me with the high light of the entire trip. a top at the sand hills. i mocked him, teased him and totally razzed his about how much "fun" this would be

it turned out to be one of my fondest memories in sasky
i spent hours there running over the hills
the memories of my youth on the island, the sand hills, the sand dunes and those sand waves made by the wind

beauty in the wilderness

love you c! happy non-anni- anni! i am sure we will celebrate it swell! i love you !

my roots

last week i had the opportunity to drive a van load of kids to church, the church received a call from a young gal who wanted to bring 30+ kids from her neighbourhood to church but had to means to get them there

so i drove the van, c took n in the car. as i drive in the convoy to this new area on moncton i've never heard of or been to before, i had a suspicion of the kind of kids/area this was. as i pulled up and was greeted by the young gal and her 30+ kids i was correct in my suspicions. poverty, neglect, oppression was written on the homes

as i settled in my van load. 4 babies. 4 babies with out a mother. i was forcing a smile as i snapped the buckles to help with my dry heaving. the stench was so strong. i was suddenly regretting eating breakfast. the car seats were stained, soiled and smelled awful

my heart broke

as i drove the 4 babies and the young gal to church i did everything to distract myself from the waves of stench that filled the van. body odor, dirt, filth mixed in with baby spit

i dropped my babies off at the door. 4 babies. 4 car seats. 4 trips. i was officially relived of my driving duties but had to make sure the babies were all ok. after a quick peek in the nursery , i ran upstairs to check on nate to make sure he was ok (who am i kidding? i was really checking to make sure that he has clean, matching clothes on, his faces washed and teeth brushed as c got him ready for church....ha!) i joined c back in the service and settled in

i looked over and saw the young gal's mother. the only other adult that came with these kids, walk into the room...looking a bit lost, uncomfortable and little out of place, i caught her eye and waved her to come sit with me, moving chris over at the same time. she joined us. just for a short time. after she left i sat down and cried

so overwhelmd with emotion that i could not separate and identify i asked god why? what's the problem?

i am use to working with kids. street kids. this is not new! why the emotion and tears?

i discovered that there is a difference between neglect and delinquant

so then, why did this batch of kids bother me so much? i've seen it before. out west. the neglect, poverty, all kinds of abuse, the hunger the dirt, the (ick!) lice...what's the difference?

the kids out west were 99.5% native

these kids were 100% of where i come from

the young girls mother? well she looked just like my aunt. my mother's sister

i come from this. the poverty, the foster care system, the abuse, the neglect the hopelessness of it all

my mother was raised in it. she suffered unmentionable abuse

so then. how did i escape this environment? the one that seems to repeat itself. how did i escape? my mother didn't. my mother lived this life. actually, the houses that i picked the kids up at were palaces to what my mother grew up in

so, why me? why my family?

my parents sent us on a church bus one time, to get a break from us kids

that sunday school bus was the start of the end

ending this hopeless environment that breads itself by repetition

starting a journey of searching for something

i am not ashamed of where i come from. i am not embarrassed by my family

i am a product of how a church sunday school bus can be the start of a new life

this past week i keep hearing this "don't turn away or despise children! my kingdom is full of kids like these"

what ever does that really, really, really mean?

these kids, the ones who have invaded our church, disrupt our regular sunday program have started the change of events that can change their life. they too can come out of where they are all at.

these kids won't remember the sunday school lesson but i guarantee they will remember that kind nice man who picked them up every sunday, or the clean lady with the pretty dress who hugged me or that teacher who held up that coloring page of jesus in front of the class and declared it the best picture colored. ever

these kids can't be turned away, they hold the future. they will one day turn into adults. adults who change patterns creating new starts 2 comments

time just zips on by!

wed am driving to preschool. my wipers broke. in the middle of a down pour...chris was in ottawa and for some freakish reason i just kept on driving and wasn't scared

scooter boy scoots to get the mail

which we do pick up, open and leave in the box. ha

nate wanted to play in the park so i stuffed the mail back in, locked it and left it

loving his wheels

so we get to the park and nate sees the bench but it was flipped over so he tells me "mom, don't worry. i will fix it for you so you can sit on it and watch me play. i am the fixer man. daddy's not here so i will fix it"

and off he goes

lifting, grunting and talking the whole time 'don't worry mom. i will get it for you"

then he made sure it was ok, tested it out for me and i was able to sit on the bench and watch him play ohhhh for about 1 min....then i joined him

remember the days that he only stood at this climbing wall. now he's all over it. sniff, sniff

daddy came home!

nae and i (mostly nate) made this welcome home sign for chris. nate picked the paper, tapped it, painted it, choose sticks because "he needed them" (that was his idea) then painted them. the only thing i did was write out welcome home daddy. i would have had nate do that but we ran out of time

anyways. we get to the airport and i meet this pilot who's there to pick up his wife, we chat and he told me stories of flying all over the world. then he said "in all my yrs of flying and being gone for weeks and months on end, i never once was greeted at the air port by my daughters holding a sign" he wiped his eyes

when chris came through the gate nate was upfront (i did not take pics i wanted to watch) and i am not kidding, there was a general "awww-ness" that filled the place

as we walked away i heard the pilot say to the ppl around him "his daddy was only gone for 4 days"

nate missed chris a lot. it made me happy to see that

one last funny. when nate gets too detailed in his questions and i no longer have the answers or want to talk (nate non stop talks all. day. long) i say to nate "technical question" and we wait for chris to come home to ask and answer nate's non ending questions

so. on monday we leave the air post and nate got all upset....i asked him what the problem was and he cries "i have no one to answer my technical questions!" so i told him we would write them down and ask daddy

some of them were

"how do yo make a window?"

"how does the antibacterial spray kill the germs"

"why is the center of the world hot?


oh nate also told me this week

"my skin gets goose bumps bec i am cold and it warms me up"

" the cart in the dollar store has the large stick on it so i can't take it out of the store"

"i am fixing your stool so i made cement and now it's getting hard so i am visiting with you while it gets ready. i need to make a solid foundation to build on. the cement is really hard. it will work. ok, the cement is ready now"

"i live in n.b which is beside quebec"

"zero is the number 0 that looks like an o, it means nothing"

yeah....takes after me....not!

then we had nate practice for disney by pulling chris's luggage. which he did. he's so ready for the trip and so am i!!!!

there is my long over due update