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It’s over! Just a few more delicate hours and I can sip my wine, kick my feet up, smile and think

I living loving made it!

hands down this year has been the worst year of my entire life

after i had nate. i remember living way out in memramcook aka my little house in the country...and it was really just that, sitting on a hill that almost look like the house will soak into the ground or fold under the big hill behind it. i loved it. i loved my life. i would walk and think and pray and talk to god and as i came around the final corner of my walking path i would stop and look at the view from the huge hill behind my house that over looked memramcook and the fundy. simply breath taking. as i stopped and breathed i would always think the same thing

"pinch me. my life is perfect"

the next 2 yrs i would often tell chris variations of "my life is so wonderful good, can it be real? i often think i am living this dream and i am afraid to wake up. i have SO much"

i love life

starting with last dec, 1 month after losing our son my year of utter "what is GOING on here?" started...this year we have faced in no particular order

-death of our son
-death of a family member who we loved
-work issues for chris
-church issues
-stepping down as kids pastor
-friend issues (i mean supporting close friends going through trials)
-family issues (and i mean problems)
-having some more miscarriages
-financial tighten ups
-marriage issues (that have been worked out)
-physical problems
-nate's pushing the 3's
-car/van's breaking down
-my dad's cancer
-questioning the future. big time
-dealing with jealousy/resentment towards my sister for having her baby
-struggling with being honest with myself and digging out crap that i hid away
-parenting. man it's SO hard

yep. it's was a craptastic year over all


it's got to get better right?! ha

i have had some not so shinning moments over the past 12 months. said things i regret, done things that were stupid, stayed home when i should have gone out, ignored god when i should have listened, avoided confrontation when i should have spoken out, not been a friend when i was needed...but i learnt. i did grow and over all i am pleased

it's not how you start it's how you finish, right?!

i was asking god a few wks back to give me a something for this new year. i heard the following

"i make everything beautiful in my time"
"everything becomes new"

it was easier to get through the year with god. he never left me. he never said it would be easy. but he's here. he's holding me. he loves me. he knows my heart, my desires and the super coolest-fab-o-u-lis thing is that his dreams for me are better than ANYthing i can dream up (and man, i can dream!)

and with that i eagerly await midnight tonight to kick 2010 in the bum (as nate would say) and embrace 2011 with wonder, excitement and mystery

what will this year bring us? 10 comments


we spent the afternoon making cookies (from the dough that i made last week oops forgot)
nate's very first rolled, cut cookie!

he was so into this cookie thing. i let him play and make the biggest mess for an HOUR...nate cut, rolled, pressed and had a blast. then i gave him the scraps and he made his own cookies
rolling his cookies
which he called...wait for it... "ugly carrots"
what a card
and put them on my rolling pin...those ugly carrots
then onto the decorating. i gave him the sprinkles, the icing and a bowl. i showed him how to put the cookie in the bowl THEN put the sprinkles on it and the bowl will catch most of the mess
it worked! the clean up was easier and you know what, totally worth it. we had so much fun
finished product
first bite
he loved them!
not to brag but these cookies are by far the BEST tasting i have EVER made. i have no clue where i got the recipe, i didn't save it (boo) but they rolled so smooth, the dough was so easy to 3 yr old could do it! they baked so nicely and stayed pale. amazing. i do know they were one of the healthier recipes i found
nate and i had so much fun. he chatted the whole time and i got to hear him share the tidbits of his life with me. as simple and silly as they were
he's my "cookie maker man"

nana and poppa christmas

and there he goes
digging way deep
yeah a computer for daddy, i mean nate
blow pens. thanks aunty cry! next year quinn gets glitter and a fan
i kid. it's a cool pen set and it's quiet
the best toy ever. bubble blower. worth every penny at 1.99
so cool
gift from aunty ursi
thrilled about the socks
he jumped off the chair to show poppa
mom and dad joined us for a few days to celebrate christmas. nate was very excited. we ate, played, chatted, played some more and had a lovely visit!
now to clean up!

this is how we roll on christmas morn

yipee! he just opened his last "everyday christmas eve" aka advent calender
but first nate insisted that chris show him (again) how the toilet flushes after a pee, he flushes and calls himself "the flusher man"
coming down the stairs
"for me?!! this is for me???"
and he dove right on in
this is me. first thing in the morning. no make up. bed head and a huge angry zit. have i no shame? i posted bec i thought it was so neat how nate and i are posed so similar!
chris had nate read every present... "n a t e that spells ME!"
first present was opened and nate wanted to play with it right away. so we did that. we played with the play doh kitchen for 45 mins. chris and i enjoyed our coffee, i got our "compromised" christmas breaky going
which was oatmeal (heavy/substance) and fresh fruit (empty and not fun) it was good
and back to the presents. nate wanted to play with each one after he opened it. so we let him. it was fun, trust me. chris and nate games and i napped on the couch
gift from muetti and vati. we saw the box and laughed. i didn't know birkenstock had other models of shoes, they looked quite cute...i may look into gettin a pair. no, there was not shoes in the box. we got a personal/custom made chair leg bottoms that actually work! yeah muetti and vati!
then chris opened his swiss box and was quite shocked/thrilled and very pleased. i got my 4 bars (thanks sarah!) and chris promptly took the rest and put them in his office, so he doesn't have to share...which is ok with me. my butt thanks him
the box stuffed with swiss chocloate

can you just hear chris "ohhhhhh thanks rudy" (but we really know it was sarah who bought it...ha!)
nate was very happy with his train. he was thrilled with his new train track too!
i am so smitten with muetti's creative wrapping. ha!
"yeah! mcdee's"
then he says "i think our (our???? more like HIS) new eating plan will be on hold until feb"
chris on an eating plan?
how much do i love my husband. he got me gift cards. i love him. thanks dude!
*ok. monctonians. did you get this gift? hummm was he at the strip mall besides walmart? in moncton there is a plaza that has the dollar store, micheals, bulk barn, winners..hum did he go there? tim's is across the street ( he ran out of money by the time he got to winners...remember that 20.00 budget)
then we dined at our friend's place. we had the most delish turkey dinner with the fan-tas-tic dessert. ever. trust me. SO good
and nate sat at the kid's table
sniff. he's growing SO fast!

can i get an "awwwwww"
back to the play kitchen. best 10 buck gift. ever. nate played with it for over an HOUR this morning!
us this am before church
that's us and our christmas. we had a great time. chris and i stayed home, alone for the first time in our married life. we loved it. we started a few traditions and really enjoyed our selves. we went to church christmas eve, then home for a movie with nate on the big screen (bob the builder's christmas movie) then nate went to bed and chris and i watched it's a wonderful life, i have NEVER seen it before and it was great. i think i may just get into this old movie thing! we kept christmas quiet and cheap (no gifts between us just 20 socks) i would not change it for anything!
so! from us to you, merry-wonderful-joy filled-fabulous christmas!


safety first people
nate was hammering and nailing while chris worked away. nate told me "don't worry mommy, it's a pretend hammer and a pretend nail"
good thing!
all cleaned out, sparkly, shiny!
the desk has no legs! chris welded a contraption out of heavy, duty metal and bolted it to the wall. did you know 10 grown men can stand on this and it won't move? good thing to know...ha chris!
nate helping daddy. nate was more of a help than me...i tend to wiggle and move when chris is trying to level something
"i help daddy"
seriously. my heart!
we turned our back to adjust the desk and we hear a giggle and a RRRRRRRRRR from chris's drill. nate was pleased with himself (he's normally not allowed to play with this drill, it's new)
he sat there and played with it. i laughed and took pictures
putting down carpet. my hardwood floors will thank me
nate's desk against the window. mine on the left
long shot
and one more. that's what we did this weekend. then i spent monday and tues going through all my stuff, clearing crap out, organizing and sorting. i purged 2 huge bags of kids ministry stuff out. it was neat to go though it and see how much we did do, esp out west. i found so many cards, pictures, crafts and letters written from all the kids. i do miss them. it's a new season!
i love the desk. nate loves being able to stand close to me and work on his "projects" -he loves to "cut and glue and paint and cut and glue but not color" as he says. funny kid
i am sure we will use this space to it's fullest!