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blocks and tools

yep, you need tools to build with blocks ya know

and drilling is a must

love how he acts like chris

can't get over the attitude change in my boy. i went to superstore yesterday for food. for the first time ever nate walked with me, there was NO whining, he was helpful and ubber fun to be with. loving this new change!

today's a snow day. i can't get over how easy it t.v, no computer....wowness!

last lesson!

so, the last bit of info i've gained in this whole retraining/teaching nate what's ok and what's not is this

children who have been allowed to have their own way for awhile can be extremely powerful. expect a fight. the great news is if your child comes out of the water thrashing you know you are on the right track

your kids need to learnt to step up to the plate so they can learn what life is all about and all the expectations that go with it

and while nate is working on that i am working on my anger! not allowing him to change my emotions or how i am feeling, to react to him but not respond. oya. prayer please!

gotta say i was nervous going into the weekend. i felt like i had a grip, control in my house with nate but now we were throwing chris into this.

i am pleased as punch to say the weekend went great!

for a final test, i took nate to church alone. nate was to remain in the service with me, no kid care was provided, which i thought was a great way to test this whole thing out

on the way there i explained to nate once what i expected from him. we came with a bag of toys, 2 cars, 2 wind up toys, a coloring book/markers and a snack

i was there from 6:30-9:15. nate was awesome! he was quiet (for a 4 yr old) obeyed, listened and surprisingly asked a tonne of questions about what p.donny was speaking on. which made me think that he is listening to every word and i will bring him back. nate did fall asleep around 8:30, so he sat in an adult service for 2 hrs!

yeah for nate!

this morning allowed nate to play computer games, then i gave him his 5 min warning, i give him a heads up that he's going to turn the computer off in 5 mins. i yelled down "nate! 5 mins!" then i heard him say "or i can just turn it off now!" ok! sure!

i know we are on the road to a great new way! yeah for the hard work and tears!

there's the update! thanks for all the emails i got, the encouraged me so much! i am so not alone in this! 1 comments

18 weeks!

there's the belly. i have one! love my mat skirt? ha. lovely looking cream colored band? it's actually the most comfy skirt ever! love it

i look redic in the pic but posted it cause nate looks so adorable. he's very excited about the baby. ha

i was asked about my boots today and i shared where i got them, salvation army 5 bucks. then i realised my entire outfit came from frenchy's (minus the boots!) ha! love me some bin diving!

another shot

i stepped on the scale. up another 3 pounds. seriously! i now weight at 18 wks what i did with nathaniel at 26 weeks! i am getting scared...not face has puffed up a lot and i can tell i am bigger all over, weight in the upper arms, the thighs and butt (yikes!!!) area. i am NOT concerned just amazed by the difference in my body with this pregnancy!

the baby is redic active. esp at night. i LOVE it. i noticed the babe was very active this morning, must be the loud music (church) it was neat to sit there and feel the baby kick

my leg cramps are almost gone. thank goodness! i did a pile on research to find out why i was i such pain. turns out some pregnant ladies react to the minerals in food that are stuffed with calcium/magnesium and potassium. what happens is as you eat foods that contain calcium the baby takes and your body flushes the rest out, leaving you with next to non left. the pain in the legs is your body's way of responding that it needs help. so i started taking this redic $ supplement and a week later the pain has gone from a 8-9 to a 3! yeah to drugs! ha!

i can not wait to find out the sex of the baby! wheeee 2 more weeks to go. can't wait to start decorating the nursery! and YES we will be sharing the sex!

there ya go! another week!

praise and encouragement

last night, i made this redic bold statement to chris "i do not want to give anymore praise to nathaniel" chris was stunned. so i repeated "no more praising nate" chris was still looking at me funny. then i gave a list of off the top my head praise that i do not want to ever say to nate. some examples

you are so smart or the famous you are the smartest kid ever!

you are so cute!

look at you go (this is one of my personal fav's) or check you out!

you are the best swimmer!

you are so great at building

you are the best kid in the world!


those are praise statement. they are based 100% on emotion. emotions change fast, like every few seconds fast. emotions make a child feel great! who doesn't want their child to be happy all the time. but is that realistic? feel good words/statements only build up the kids emotions based on what they are doing at that moment

praise is not good for kids bec it's usually not true most of the time, it's false and it's used to make your child feel good. kids are smart enough to know the difference.

taking the light off of nate. i wanna share something about me. for years i have told chris that i was told my entire life that i was "the smartest girl in my class" or "i was so smart" i shared my frustration with chris about knowing, as a young girl that this was not true! i was NOT the smartest kid. truth? i barley passed, i was the "dumb" (i couldn't think of any other words to use) girl. always last, always the lowest marks and EVERYONE knew this. i wondered why my parents didn't? (ouchy mom and dad you know i love you both!!!) i was confused as to why i was told almost every day that i was the smartest. i didn't believe it, i knew it was not the truth. i was scared to tell my parents that they were wrong. i never did. i just felt more embarrassed that they were out of the loop...

i may have been not been the brightest light bulb in the class room but i was creative and friendly. i knew at a young age what was true and what was not

encouragement on the other hand builds up the child and encourages them based on things that are true. i shared with chris instead of praising nate up with "you are the smartest kid in the world" (which, is NOT the truth) some statements that are true are

you swam so well today! i loved how you did your bobs

you finished your letters and did a great job

what a great tower you built. you really concentrated

you are so creative, look at the picture you did

check out that artzooka! i like how you did it

you worked hard (for this and such) and i am proud of you

the other day, before i read this book, i saw something and shared it with chris. bec it flows with what i am learning i will share it:

nate use to fight home schooling. he would fight me on everything. he refused to color and it was a battle. the other day we did the letter r, i found a rocket ship. i had him color it, cut it out and glue it on a piece of paper. he did all of it himself. when he was finished, he sat back, looked at it, held it up to me and said "look at what i did. i feel funny about it"

funny? it took me a second until i realized that he felt proud! he was proud that he did this task by himself and did it well

i shared with him that he feels proud! and he should. HE worked hard and he can look at that rocket and think "man i did that by myself!"

encouragement is not the same as praise. praise is emotion based. encouragement is based on the act

right now nate is building cars with lego, which is giving me lots of practice of not praising him. ha. but encouraging him to build on his own, be creative etc...i've caught myself slipping into the praise a few times already...oops!

when we encourage kids with an act, we are really encouraging them to be competent and to get out there and try something new! and they can because they already succeeded in an other area

my job as a parent is not to make nate happy! an unhappy child is a healthy child. bold statement eh?! but if you are happy and things are good (which is like SO not real or true) then you are not put in a place to change. i know myself, i change when things are not good. i sit back, look around and think man i need to change something because i am not happy! so why would that not apply to kids. if all of a sudden nate is not happy with his punishment for being rude, would that not put him into a place to change his behavior so he can become happy? by nate choosing to obey on his own he did it by himself. know what i mean?

i think he dumb things down for our kids, we set the limits low and kids raise to that. what if we were to expect more of them? i wonder what would happen?

the best quote i read was this "many children are mommy deaf-and for good reason. when rules change with hormones, why should they bother to follow them?"

see that's they key for me making this work in our family. i am emotional. god created me this way. chris is not. i am not consistent. chris is. i want to make these changes but i can't on my own. chris can however come along side of me and help me to stay on track. once chris changes gears he stays in the new road. i can have him help me in this area. i need him to!

everything in theory is great, now lets see if we can make these changes!

so there ya go. more raw honesty!

zoomer and solar system

on the way out the door i came across this. i asked nate what it was. he said "it's my zoomer car and my armour to keep all the bad ppl away. the pillows are a part of the obstacle course that i use to help me train to be a better zoomer" ha! love the creativeness!

yesterday we did the solar system. i had nate color the planets while i read about them, the cut and glue them kinda in order. ha. he LOVED this.

he wanted me to take a picture of him holding the solar system where his head is so "people will think space is my face. get it!?! space and face rhyme"


sigh parenting sigh oya!

those who have kids know that they can make you cry. good tears or bad ones

i've been sobbing buckets of sad tears over the last few days. which would be my lack of posts. i've been busy and tired, drained by the end of the day

i love my child. he's the best. he;s also strong willed, stubborn, resistant to change and has developed an attitude, speaking rudely and acting like a mouthy 13 yr old girl

i had to put a stop to this but did not know how. i then stumbled upon a book, cause every problem can be solved in a book. ha

i started reading the book and asked god to show me what to do, how to re-train him and get back the control i no longer had

i was blown away by what i've learnt, and i am still learning, i am only 1/2 way through the book but there has been such huge permanent changes that i wanted to share!

these were the ubber ouchy things i discovered

-what children learn, they can unlearn. children learn what they see, hear or what is allowed in the home...OUCHY!
-only when you break a child's routine, they will stop and see that a change is being made

if you want your child to take you seriously say it only once
then turn your back
and walk away

this 3 step process, which i was like thinking will never work....WORKS!...i was creating this monster child by saying the same instruction over and over, then stood and argued with him or allowed him to take control of the situation by how ever he wanted to act

no more!

i now repeat my instructions once
then i turn my back
and walk away

i EXPECT it to be done. no arguing, no fighting

and guess what? he does it! with a good attitude!

when nathaniel speaks to me in a rude manner. i stop him. i tell him "that is not how you speak. you can ask the question/or say it like this" then i repeat what he said in a positive, respectful way. he then takes a few tries to get it right but eventually does

when nate doe snot listen to me, disrespect me or disobeys he is sent to his room where he is to remain until i call him. it works! i give him zero attention, i remove him from where i am, i then get busy doing something else and take back control

bad attitudes are not caught. if you find that your child has a bad attitude, it's prob bec you have one! this one sucker punched my gut. nate is acting the same way i do. attitudes are caught, not taught. sob sob sob

the key to changing your child is to change yourself. i've taken back the control, stopped the yelling and the redic arguments. i now have a constant form of discipline and i take the time to stop what i am doing and correct him

remain calm! this is a huge one. i let him freak out, yell, stomp and slam doors (i will deal with that later) but once i have given instructions, i turn my back and walk away. the fits are almost nonexistent anymore!

my home is peaceful again. my son is behaving. he;s obeying. he's not arguing. i am not yelling. i am in control again. our school time is a blast! his work has improved so much that i've added more to it

he laps up my love but respects me enough that when i ask him to be quiet when iam on the phone...he is! or when i want to talk to chris, he plays by himself or goes to his room

i can't believe that by seeing my flaws, talking about them ha! is actually the key to restoring my home again

i love this new nate. i love that i don't yell (as much ha) i love that god is giving me another chance at this

i've missed out on some social things (which would explain my absence from things i normally do) to stay home and fix this. so far it's been worth it

i still have like 6 chapters of the book to read but mercy me! i've learnt so much!

so there ya go...i've been busy on my knees and digging back out of this mess i let happen

BUT greater is he is me than what's in this world!

hows that for honesty!?! 1 comments


i finally got the long waited email today
a few weeks back a g. friend, who is a doula asked me my thoughts/knowledge etc... on a situation she found herself in. one of her mom to be's lost her baby at 22ish weeks, the baby had died a few weeks before. she had never attended a still birth before and was lacking the know how on what to do

me heart! i was so sad for this mom 2 be. she had chosen to deliver the baby nat, at home. it took about 3 weeks to happen and she delivered her baby girl last night

for the last few weeks i have thought of this mom, who i don't know and prob will never. my heart was so sad for her and still is

today i light my ben candle for her and her daughter

life is just not fair

i am leaving you with a gift, peace of heart and mind. jn 14:27 0 comments

17 weeks!

this am before church
which i must add was crazy! chris woke me up at 9:20, i had to leave the house at 10, with a pot luck lunch ready. oops?! it was hectic but with 2 cars we made it! i left early and chris brought nate later with the food!

the belly

i can't believe it 17 weeks already. sometimes it think it's going by so fast others so slow! its crazy!

i am up ANOTHER pound! oops! ha!

i feel good. the leg cramps ave kicked in and i spent a lot of time resting with the legs up to prevent the painful cramps and nightly charlie horse. sigh. it's worth it, just a bit painful

this baby is recid hyper. very active. i have no fear that i can't feel the baby and when i do, i just eat something and with in 5 mins the babe is kicking my insides out!

so there. another week! 3 comments

love this story!

how much do i love, love, love this!?!?! i linked the linky to the site but i also c/p the article. i would have been all over this as a kid, actually i think we did a lot of mini businesses....ha.

Young Entrepreneurs – Pouch Cove Cookie Company
by Shannon Ratcliffe on February 16, 2012

Here at Homeschool Horizons, we recognize that the Entrepreneurial Spirit is alive and well in the homeschool community. With parents who encourage children to develop their passions, and budding business people who are not trapped all day in a classroom, we believe that the future of creative business is in these vibrant youngsters.

We’d like to introduce you to Jake, the future Cookie King of Newfoundland:

Describe your business and what is the story of how your business came to be?

I sell cookies. My company is called Pouch Cove Cookie Company. I sell them every Saturday in the summer time in front of the Town Hall in our little town of Pouch Cove. I also take orders.

I started selling cookies in the summer of 2005. I was seven years old. I started by selling at the side of the road. I had a sign that said “Cookies For Sale” that I held up when a car would go by. I did that for a few summers. In 2009 we were on our way to Ontario when we bumped into these two gentlemen in Tim Hortons in Nova Scotia. He started talking to me and when he found out I had my own business he said he was going to send me something and it would be waiting for me when I got home. It turned out to be an autographed copy of the book written by Ron Joyce (the guy who made Tim Horton’s into the success it is today) as well as a plastic cookie stand that said in big red letters “Pouch Cove Cookies by Jake Wescott” The stand folds up and that’s what I use to sell my cookies from. It’s really awesome selling cookies by the ocean!!!

What hopes do you have for the future of your business?

Oh…I love this question!!!! My hope is to become the most popular cookie business in all of Newfoundland!!! I hope to open a cookie factory.

In what way(s) has your business challenged you to grow?

I’ve had to learn how to deal with all kinds of people and always be polite even if they aren’t happy.

How has having your own business affected your understanding of people and/or how the world works?

I have learned that there are all kinds of people in the world. Most are easy to deal with and some are a little tougher.

In what way is the reality of being an entrepreneur similar or different to what you imagined it would be like?

It is different than I imagined because in the beginning I thought I would just make cookies and sell them. I didn’t realize I would constantly be trying to come up with new ideas like new cookie flavours that are unique or new ways to sell my cookies.

If you could start your business over again, what would you do differently?

I would make a website before I started selling cookies. I would start off with two or three flavours (when I started, I had only one)

What advice would you give a another young person starting a new business?

I would suggest getting your parents or your brother or sister to help you. Also to be nice to all customers. Also, don’t give up because some days when sales aren’t going as well as you would like, you feel like giving up but don’t because it will get better and better. The more you try, the better it will get.

Thanks, Jake! We wish you every success in your business!

poor dude

my naters was a bit of a crank today. it stared really bad after lunch. he melted in the van (melt down) haven't seen that since he was 2, he begged for a nap so i put him down and then made an appointy with the dr cause my gut said "ear infection"

tiss right, he has a inner and outer infection. he's on an antibiotic. i choose to break down and give it to him bec i do not want the infection to spread to his middle ear. my poor poor dude

in light of his ickness. i thought i would share some funny things nate has said over the last few days. this is for the grandparents who like this stuff!

nate is zooming on his zooming car (plasma car) then he stopped and said "MOM! i zoom really fast because i took zooming lessons!"

then he does a few laps around the table yelling
"honey comes from bees. bees come from hives. hives come from man. man comes from god. god comes from egypt"

so there ya go in case you were wondering, god came from egypt

last sat c and i had errands to run so we decided to split up and take 2 cars. i told nate that he can pick who he wants to go with. he choose me. which shocked us bec c was going to the hardware store and running manly errands and always included a trip to mcdonalds.

so we are getting ready to go and the convo goes

m-so why did you choose to go with me?
n- because i am your protector. dad does not need one but you do. i will go with you (then grabs his sword and proceeds to show me his fancy fighting skills) and i will kill all the monsters that try to hurt you. i am your protector guy. you need me"


last night, the 3 of us are in bed cuddling and nate says "i want to lay here with you and have a chit chat"
m-what do u want to talk about?
n-i have a question
n-what is a satellite and how does it work?

yeah cause every 4 yr old wants to know

in walmart nate was talking away and i was ignoring util i hear his say "speaking of which i was very cold......"
speaking of which??? bawahhhhh

so there ya go! off to get some grub on for my family! 1 comments


i forgot to share the best! i've felt the baby move for a week or so now but chris felt the baby move this morning! we were laying in bed, chris had his hand on my belly, i told him to press harder and wait (i just ate and the baby was very active) about 3 seconds later WAM! KICK! BOOM! chris was able to feel the movement. he was a bit surprised at how strong it was and how soon he was able to feel it. i rolled my eyes and said "yep! the babe has kept me up for most of the night!" tis true. tis tired today. tis totally worth it! 2 comments

homeschool and waffles

so, i've been buying frozen eggo's for nate. he loves them. i know they are not the healthiest thing to eat, so i decided to find a great recipe for pancakes, and after some tweaking and removing sugar, butter, eggs and oil...ha. i came up with this banana choc chip recipe. nate and i made them together
not quite sure of it, just before the bite

you can't really see his face but he bit into it and said "oh mommy, this is SO good. it's better than the store eggos!" and proceeded to eat 2. they are ubber yum!

yesterday we did some school. and for once it was a great session! nate did all his work and asked for more, it was a great time. normally, i have to argue with him some, get his wiggles out and answer 1000 questions on why we print the way we do...ha. just like his daddio!

yesterday was q

making his q's in his book

great job buddy!

in this book we take a letter a day, nate prints it out a few times then we go through a mag to find pictures that start with that letter. we did the cut the letter out already, so i thought this would be fun and a way for me to participate with him but not do all of the work

this was from the g day. we got Grandmother, granola bar, game and girls. nate does the cutting and gluing. ha

then it was time to cut out the match game, which i turned into a math class...count how many pics, how many different ones, then take a few away and what do you have? it was more of a fun activity. it kept him busy for almost an hour

i keep the lessons small and short and too the point. my patience level as greatly improved but it's an area i need more work on. maybe h/s is really school for me too. i am learning all kinds of things about myself that i don't like. hummmm ok. public school looks good right now! ha!


today is v-day. or as i use to call it happy heart break day


i detest this day off all the holidays. i think it makes singles feel like losers, those who are married and don't get the token flowers, candy and that giant teddy bear like they are in a bad marriage and those who have lost loves well! lonely!

i think it sets people up to be hurt

and for men to spend money

teen girls to reach out for love in the wrong places

and for society to spend money

yesterday i was explaining to nate that today is v-day and it's a day that we go out of our way to celebrate love. to share with each other what/how we feel about them

nate asked me "how do you feel about me?"

i said "why i love you!"

nate said "but you love me everyday!"

bingo! and that is why i don't waste my money on this day

call me what ever. i don't care. bring on the hate, ha. (i am secure in this area)

to me a valentine is a guy

-who unplug the toilet, when it's NOT his stuff that clogged it

-brings home milk, that i forgot in the morning. taking him out of his way to do so

-sets up another banquet, tables, chairs and all ...again with no complaining

-rubs legs, back and feet with NO expectations

-picks up ice cream late at night

-when seeing bags upon bags of shopping delight responds with "show me what you got"

-says, out of the blue "you should call so and so up and go for a coffee"

-sees the pile of toys, and helps clean it up

-puts gas in the cars when it's cold out

-empties the dishwasher

-while reviewing the budget and realising the clothing budget for the month was dbl he responds with "well, you did need some clothing"

-hugs are given when not deserved

-telling the truth when it will cause back lash

-reminding of the truth, even when you don't feel it

these are just a few of the things my valentine did for me the past week. today is great for sharing love and all that but to me, a real valentine does the above all the time

i would rather a year long valentine!

hate me now? ha!

how n sleeps!

i snuck in last night to tuck my boy in and found this. i grabbed my camera and got a blurry shot. this is how he rolls at night, kitty from quinn, blankets for aunte (note that he wraps it around his neck! and has since he could do it!) and the leapster on his chest, freddy is under the blanket behind his head

awwww my heart hurts with adoration for this child of mine

how does your child sleep? 0 comments

16 weeks!

this morning
the babe is redic active. lots of movement, esp when i lay down. which i do a lot

yeah for 16 weeks

i am surprised with how big i am. scary!

oh and i am up another pound and 1/2. now that is darn scary!

too much pizza this week!

so we've discovered little cesar's pizza. amazing goodness! chris bought me a bbq chkn pizza last sunday for a treat ( i had a serious craving for pizza!) the box had about 6 tiny dots of grease and was the least greasy pizza i have had in a long time

so i had chris get 2 more to test the grease factor. he got canadian (barf bacon barf, pepperoni barf and hamburger nonbarf) and a reg pepperoni and cheese, there was very little grease on the box! i ate 3 pc's at supper then polished off the rest in the middle of the night. fri night we went out with friends and had pizza hut pizza. lets just say the box almost fell apart from the grease factor! ick!

maybe chris should pick me up another pizza for today! ha! seeing as i am staying off my feet as much as possible!

so yeah! another week has gone bye. 4 more till i find out the sex and i can FINALLY start setting up the nursery....boy? girl? who cares!

v-day paraty 2

another party another bag of treats

another package of cookies

i forgot to take any pics of the party. oops!

i also had my prenatal appointy yesterday, it was rather long...1 hour from start to finish. ha v. seriously thou, i had a nursing student take my b/p, weight gain and stats and that took a long time! i met with dr. robuchaud and went over the test results. it was determined that the blood came from a tear in the cervix and i am to rest and take it easy. easier said than done!

you should see my house sob sob. such a mess!

sigh and the weekend starts.......

v-day partay #1

today was the lutes mtn preschool valentines party. yesterday nate and i made cupcakes together, nate decorated them all by himself. i was quiet impressed
he is holding the v-tines that he gave to his friends. it was a sucker in a flower. cost=0. i did not want to buy anything so u dug around the playroom/craft (bawahhhh i don't craft, i am a pretender) room i found a bag of suckers and some flowers that were left over from something...voila. valentines

"i worship you oh cupcakes, there is none like you"

holding his cupcakes

i promptly look the left overs to chris's office, but not before i ate a few en route (i am going to be huge by the end of this pregnancy!)

then to make the day even more special! nate was picked to be the special helper

he rang the bell to start school

then lead us in a round of oh canada

and the month and did the count for the days

it was a delightful morning. actually it was. the kids played hid and go seek while i socialized with friends. it was a fun partay

and he did some reading on the way home. he picked out a science kit that he wants. i told him he has 5 dollars saved up in his peggy bank, i told him he could do some extra chores for the other 5 and earn it. he agreed to this plan

all in all it was a fantastic pre-valentines day party!


i saw this and thought of you! you must make this and tell me how it is! it's coffee bread! i would try the bread but i am still quite scared of yeast, esp live yeast....yikes.....ha

i included the link to see pics, but copied the recipe for you.

Ingredients (for 1)
Bun Dough
bread flour
instant dried yeast
warm water
3g (0.5 tsp)
4g (1.3 tsp)

Coffee Cream
instant coffee
cake flour
1g (1 tsp)

almond slices
granulated sugar
proper amount
proper amount

Look at Buns from 1 to 5.
* How to make Buns Starter-Type
* How to knead the dough
Knead the dough with hands or a food processor.
* While the dough is rising, make Coffee Cream.
6. [Knocking back]
Knock back the dough by punching it gently. Shape the dough into a ball lightly. Leave for 15 minutes.
7. [Shaping]
Roll the dough out into a 30 cm (8 inch) square. 9. [Leaving to rise]
Leave to rise for 40-50 minutes, or until 2 times in size. >>
Spread the coffee cream, leaving a 1 cm (0.4 inch) border.
Roll the dough up. 10. Brush the surface with beaten egg. Sprinkle with the almond slices and granulated sugar.
Pinch the seam shut. 11. [Baking]
Bake at 180 degrees C (356 degrees F) for 30 minutes or until golden.
8. Cut the dough in half.
Twist the dough.


mondays madness!

my child listen to what I say,

and treasure my commands.

tune your ears to wisdom,

and concentrate on understanding.

cry out for insight,

and ask for understanding.

search for them as you would for silver;

seek them like hidden treasures.

then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,

and you will gain knowledge of God.

for the Lord grants wisdom!

From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

he grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.

He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.

he guards the paths of the just

and protects those who are faithful to him.

then you will understand what is right, just, and fair,

and you will find the right way to go.

for wisdom will enter your heart,

and knowledge will fill you with joy.

wise choices will watch over you.

understanding will keep you safe.

i read the above on sat, wanted to blog it but ran out of time. 3 days later i read it, after going thought the past 24 hrs and realising that understanding wisdom, knowing god, provided protection and to speak understanding and knowledge from my own mouth. while sitting in the emergency room, unable to find a heart beat, bleeding. waiting. waiting

last night, after an amazing secret planned date from chris. which i will blog later, i came home, drove the babysitter home. had a snack, got ready for bed. and saw the blood

the exact same blood as before

i called chris to get up stairs

he came and saw the blood

we called a friend, who came over around 10:30 to be with nate. thank god for friends. thank god for friends who pray, drop everything and watch my son! what a blessing!

we went to the hospital, after waiting and registering we were shown to our room. i saw the clock. it was 11:30 (not bad timing v!) we were asset by the dr and then they tried to find the heart beat, after 15 mins no heart beat was found

the dr left to get the specialist

i sat on the bed

every thought ran through my head, i felt that i was split in 2. i didn't know what way to go. so i believe and hope for the good? dream and stay focused. believe that the baby is alive?

or do i carefully plan and prepare myself for the worst. start to run through my mind the events that would take place...would i have to deliver again? when would this happen?

or do i beg god for mercy, throw every last i promise i will do better if you just give me this one last thing? thoughts of "how can i go through this again? how will i face my pregnant friends? how ever will i get over this? where are you god? what have i done?"

i asked chris what to do. where should i put my thoughts? he said this, with tears in his eyes "i don;t know mel, my heart says nothing. but i do know that god told me that we would have another child, i heard him say it, we heard p.peter speak over our baby, this is all i know"

i sat there and stared at the floor. i thought to myself....god, i don;t know the future. i don;t know whey this is happening again, i don't know what's going to happen. but i do know this, you didn't leave me the first time, you won't leave me this time. only you can help me right now. please save my baby but if things are bad, give me the strength to live again"

chirs then pulled out his phone and started to read ps 23. which freaked me out! out off all the things to read, he randomly picked the chapter that i have been teaching nate! he had NO idea about this and as he read it, i listened, not as a mom sitting in the er facing another dark night but as a mother listening to the words she said to her own son

the lord is my Shepard (mine, no one elses) he's all i need
he leads me besides the green pastures (he gives me peace to sleep)
he leads me to quiet waters
he restores my soul
he guides me in paths of righteousness ...he's with me!
for his name’s sake.
even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death...i am going to walk through this! BUT
i will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
you prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord


forever. no matter. forever

we then read ps 91 until the dr came back. i was then given an internal, poked some more, and the specialist went to find the heart beat. i held my breath

5 mins later, which felt like hours

bump, bump, bump, bump 148 beats per min

my baby's heart beat!

after having some blood tests run, a painful shot of winrow (sp?) we left the hospital at 2 am, to return this morning for an ultrasound

we left knowing it could be these following situations
2-placenta problems. tearing, holes, slipping or detaching. this is how we lost ben
3-small hole in the placenta and the cervix, my blood and the baby's blood was mixed. the shot will prevent us from losing the baby

we went home. went to bed. and i slept in peace. woke up at 8 to the ultrasound tec, my appoint was for 10:30. i got up and got ready, i asked god for a understanding tec

10:20 i was in the ultrasound room. the tec knew our history and 2 seconds into it, she pulled the screen down and said "heart beat!" then proceeded to spend the next 40 mins showing us every part of the baby. everything is perfect. then, to make it better, she put the camera on live and just let us watch the babe move, we saw hands, legs, kicking, lots of movement

the only part she was not able to share was the placenta/cervix results, we go in thurs for those

i am so pleased with how i responded. tested and proven i thinks! i am taking redic care of myself now, no lifting, no heavy work, lots of rest

i am thankful for so much today. so much 4 comments

15 weeks!

yep, i am popping. i also got this nasty purple stretch mark that got all red. as shown in the above pic. ewwwww

this am. nate wanted to be in the pic. i stepped on the scale up another 2 pounds. this WEEK. this is redic! i am scared for the next few weeks! i've noticed that my face has chubbed up a lot. but other than that, all is well. no movement yet but it's a bit early for that.

please notice the metal bin thing in the back ground. chris has the habit of bringing in his shop projects into the house, where they sit, and sit, and sit. nice decor eh?

where did he go?

after lunch i went to make lunch, nate went into the back room and i made myself busy, making lots of noise...then i called out for him and he didn't respond. off i went to check on him and looky look at what i found....who's cute butt is sticking out?

sleepy "i am not tired" nate

then i went back an hour 1/2 later and found him

he slept for 2.5 hrs. nope. not tired at all! love how the remotes are at his head. ha. when he woke up he called me to come and sit with him i said "hey, look who slept all afternoon!" nate said "i did not sleep, i just had my eyes closed for a few minutes" ha. sure. right...just like your dad!

me? a bear? why yes!

Gonna be a bear

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd Like to come back as a bear. When your a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, your suppose to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When your a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while your sleeping and wake up to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could defiantly deal with that.

If your a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. you swat away anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If your a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.


i rarely read, let a lone post forwards but my sis in law sent me this this am and i giggled cause yea, it's me to a t. ha and it totally reminded me of lisa bevere's lioness arising (fab-tab-oulis book/teaching series!)


nate doing his daily laps around the house

in his "safety" clothes bawahhhh

yea he loves his gift aunty cry! i cant wait to have it out of the house come spring!

preschool field trip!

but not before this mama got the van going after it would not start. it took for ever but nate's response to the van finally starting was the best "mom! you did it! you are so smart! you better tell daddy you got the van to go!"
and off we went to join his friends at the library

trina, gage, weston, nate, shan and noz (nelson)

totally into the book reading

so yeah, the day sis not start great but i did learn a lesson or two along the way!

snow day! snow day!

chris was sent home early from work due to the snow. it started snowing during the night and hasn't stopped yet!

after the men folk cleared the driveway, they came into the house to get

2 puppies
2 blankets
2 cups of hot chocolate

so they could retreat back to the car for a chat and a nate told me

seriously? what is more adorable and attractive than a dad and his boy?


i am also in shock to being home, for a full day. the amount of house work i got done is prize earning worth! i am a machine today. you name it, i did it! very thrilling!

i enjoy being out and about every day but maybe, just maybe i should focus more on the house work, yikes! the dust bunnies multiplied and made grand kids for me!


how did you spend your snow day?

this is the day that the lord made, i will be happy, rejoice and get lots of house work done!