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pic taking nate

nate and i were goofing around last night before impact, he grabbed his truck and told me that he was taking my picture, he would say "smile mommy" then "click" ha!
nate and moi, self portrait

wheni saw this pic, i thought, FINALLY! nate has my eyelashes! he actually has something of mine on him!! he's not a total mini chris! ha
nateness- cuteness
this morning during the offering mini sermon, nate threw a fit. loud. tears and all. why was he so upset? bec he wanted to go to his "class". how times have changed! i remember when he hated going to the nursery! so glad i kept at it!
chris picked nate up from his class and brought him to me. the first thing out of his mouth was "mommy, yaya hingry. go home please"
followed up with
"mommy, yaya needs to go poop, go home please" my son has my "# 2 only at the house rule!"
i had choir practice this afternoon so i wasn't there when nate woke up from his 3 hr nap (he only does this when chris has him!!) nate asked where i was and chris told him i was at church. then nate said
"mommy at church singing- hallelujah" one of the songs we sing says hallelujah-i think i may be playing the cd a bit too much. ha
one last cuteness. nate has a bit of a cold, i am teaching him to cough in his sleeve and to wipe his nose with a tissue. in the van, nate said "mommy, look....what's it?" and hands me something. i reach for it and upon further examination i declare "nate, don't pass me your SNOT!" to which nates giggles and says "yaya give mommy snot from yaya's nose" bawahhh
*my sn still refers to himself in the 3rd person
potty progress- i am so super pleased. nate has not had an accident in 5 days. he does all his bizness in the toilet and thanks be to the travel potty seat has zero problem with public bathrooms!! yeah for potty training!

more nateness

imagine waking up to that face everyday :)
we went to visit "baby shoooola" yesterday. nate plunked himself in his baby chair and spent quite a bit of time in there
nate found my bike helmet and insisted on sporting it around the house. life with a 2 yr old is never dull
have a great day everyone!

potty trained!

whee! it's done and over. nate is day time trained!

after talking to a gazillion mom's of boys (singleton boys) i took notes, made a plan and went with it. overall it went MUCH easier than i was bracing myself for

i chose to train him by doing the "nakey butt" i was going to wait until summer but i got to thinking, the weather sucks and we are inside the house anyways, why not do it now?!

game plan

- i decided while i was away that training would start on the monday we got back. while we were away, i took nate to walmart and let him pick his undies. i even spent the extra $ and got the curious george/characters

-i talked about him being a big boy and using the toilet (i call it a toilet, not potty to keep him from getting confused)

-i packed away the diapers sunday night, nate helped me. (good thing, cause in weak moments of day 1 it saved me from using them!)

-i made the choice that there would be NO diapers

-i had nate pick out his undies for the morning

day 1 (monday)

nate peed in all 8 pairs of undies by 12 noon :)
i was frustrated and annoyed. i wanted to quit. i called chris and recouped. i got the timer out and every 15 mins i put him on the toilet. finally after nap nate almost got to the toilet in time, i celebrated and told him that he did a great job. around 4 he made it to the toilet in time. i did my crazy dance. nate got his smartie

day 2 (tuesday)

after seriously praying mon night. god showed me that i MUST get patience. that i was teaching him how to use the toilet and me getting mad would only upset him. i went into with tuesday MUCH more patient.

using the timer, reading countless books and wetting 3 pairs of undies. nate peed in the toilet. i did my funky dance. nate got his smartie. nate did 3 more pee's in the toilet and wet 5 pairs of undies :)

day 3 (wed)

nate kept his undies dry all morning AND we took him out for 2.5 hrs to my dr's appointment
nate used the toilet 3 times and wet 2 pairs of undies

day 4 (thurs)

i had a revelation this morning. nate ADORED, like ate up the praise and joy that i lavished upon him when he peed/pooped in the toilet. then i got it! nate, like any man LOVES to be praised. so i created the sticker chart. i showed him his own chart and he LOVED it. every time he goes in the toilet he gets a sticker, each day he gets a new sheet.

he had no accidents. he GOT it!
nate just finished putting his sticker on this morning
the "old" charts. he loves to go in and count the stickers.
today's sticker chart
must have this product when training boys. when they have an oops, spray, wait, wipe and clean. it leaves the bathroom smelling yummy. it saved my life/sanity!
smartie jar
it's been almost 2 wks now. he had an accident sat morning and mon morning BOTH times chris was home/around. :) ha
i also got a travel potty seat that folds up small and i use it for when we are out. takes the fear away from using public bathrooms
i have taken nate out everyday this week, some days more than once, each time he has used a public toilet and is fine!
things i have learned/discovered
-i ask nate every 30 mins or so if he's dry, he LOVES to say "YES!!!" i then high five him
-my patience level has gone way up. i am so much more patient with him
-nate wants to please me, he trusts me so much, i can not and will not toss his trust away
-i skipped the potty chair and went right to the toilet
-nate pee's sitting down and i showed him how to "aim" to keep it clean
-i am consistent. always the same, i don't change, i think this helped a lot
things that i would do different
-on day 1, do NOTHING but be with him and focus on training him. i was trying to do other things and i found my patience level was lower bec of this.
-intro the sticker chart on day 1!!!
i use a pull up, we call them "sleep undies" during nap and night time. i have noticed they are almost dry during nap and much dryer in the morning
all in all, potty training was WAY easier than what i thought it would be. just wait until you/he are ready. ditch the diapers, use undies, clean up a lot of pee, lots of praise when they do it!

nate funny

nathaniel was helping chris (again) building the book shelf in the shop. chris put nate up on the work bench to keep him out of trouble. ha. chris told nate that he can supervise chris to make sure he is doing a good job. nate then got super excited and yelled "SUPER WHY" "SUPER WHY" "SUPER WHY"

get it. chris said "supervise" and nate heard "SUPER WHY"...which is nathaniel's most fav show

my kid is cute. hah! 0 comments

nathaniel helping daddy....again

chris was building a book shelf for his office, after chris made the holes nathaniel found the box of screws and got busy
working away
using the right screwdriver i may add
the concentration and focus
using his wrist on a stubborn screw
perfect! he did a great job. chris did not have to show him how to do any of it. nate has watched chris for so long, he just copied him
makes me really scared to think about what we may have taught him with out knowing....

letter A

nate was helping chris in the shop the other day when he yelled at chris "daddy A! A! A" chris turned around and there on the piece of wood was the letter A.

nothing gets by our nate 0 comments

blast from the past

muetti and danae, see those teeny, tiny and alert eyes!
awww. danae at her dedication
being prayed for (love the pastor's shirt btw)
happy family
super proud pappa
long story short. i was going through pics last week from yrs ago. i found a folder called "auction" which would have been the farm auction way back in 07, in ontario. as i am clicking through hundreds of pic's of farm equipment, tractors, tires, tools and such i discover danae's baby dedication pic's. i had to post them. isn't she a cutie! she's so tiny!
then i yelled at chris for classifying a baby dedication as an auction! men!

quinn, quinn, quinn

hummm something looks familiar about this pic....hummmm maybe nana and poppy have a similar pic of miss. crystal at this age doing the exact same thing..... har! good thing this happened at nana rose's place and not mine. haha

sat fun

cry, shawn and quinn came up for a quick visit. shawn bought a sweet set of new wheels in moncton. we took the boys over to the hotel for a quick swim. nate LOVED the water. nate would jump into the water, chris was dunking him and he loved every second! more water fun
quinn was not so fond of the water
we had a great visit with you guys!


"trials come because we live in a broken world, but we decided if we will learn the lessons taught"

my lowest moment when i lost ben. waiting for the first round of induction. my eyes were red from the tears. i look scared, because i was. scared. sad. and in deep sorrow
"real trials in life are not ifs-they are whens. in fact, life's most profound lessons cannot simply be observed, they must be experienced. it is there, in actual seasons of heartache and loss, that we gain insights into life, faith, and our need of god."
remembering the awe i felt with nathaniel. (nate's first night home, 7 days old)
beyond grateful for what i have. (nathaniel 3 months)

"you will face all kinds of trouble and when you do think of it with pure joy. your faith will be put to the test. when that happens it will produce the strength to continue. the strength will allow you to continue. then you shall be everything you need to be. you shall have everything you need." james 1:2-4

*tgif everyone. tgif!

reading the anne series

while i was preggers with ben, i picked up all 9 anne books for 25 bucks. my goal was to read em all before ben came (knowing my reading time would be over for awhile) then we lost our boy. around christmas i found the books and decided to read them anyways. i have always wanted to read them.

i found this quote in the above book and just had to blog it. it cracked me right up.

"isn't it bedtime small son?"
"mummy, will you tell me a bedtime story that will send a cold chill down my spine? and sit beside me afterwards till i go to sleep?"
"what else are mothers for, darling" replied anne

bawahhh total crack up. what else are mothers for? to scare you before you go to sleep and hold you....haha. ok, maybe the snow is getting to me

i am now on book 7.
2 more to go! 0 comments

results are in!

i met with my wonderful dr this am to go over the results of the last batch of blood work in regards to ben. one test came back positive, which means i failed. ha. seriously, tho. we are on the road to answers! i am being sent for more testing/blood work to confirm what the dr suspects what happened.

in easy-peasy layman wording. the dr suspects (the new batch of tests will confirm this suspicion) that i have a blood condition that causes my blood to clot, which separated my placenta resulting in ben's death. if this is the case, it's treatable and would explain my difficulties getting and staying preggers. the dr is quite confused as to how nate "made it" if i do have this blood condition, nate should not be here. but i know why nate is here :)

for those who want more deets (cough, eigenheer's, cough) i copied/pasted the below read for your enjoyment. grab a cup o java. ha

Anti-Cardiolipin Antibody Test (ACA)
If you are currently undergoing fertility treatment, then you are probably pretty familiar with the huge gamut of tests that often goes along with it. Before you can proceed with fertility treatments, it is necessary to find out exactly what is going on with your reproductive system, and this may require undergoing a number of different tests. The anti-cardiolipin antibody test is designed to help discover the reasons behind unexplained infertility. If you are having trouble getting pregnant but can't seem to find out why, this test may provide some answers.

What are Cardiolipin Antibodies?
Cardiolipin antibodies are proteins found in your body that work against cardiolipin. Cardiolipin is a molecule found in your blood platelets and various cell membranes. It is one of a group of molecules called phospholipids. You need cardiolipin in order to help regulate blood clotting throughout your body. Sometimes though, your body can mistake cardiolipin for an attacking substance. As a result, your body creates soldier-like molecules to fight against the cardiolipin.

Types of Cardiolipin Antibodies
There are three main types of cardiolipin antibodies. The level of each type of anti-cardiolipin is examined during the anti-cardiolipin test. They include:


What are the Effects of Cardiolipin Antibodies?
If your body contains cardiolipin antibodies, you may experience no symptoms at all. In fact, up to 2% of the population, both men and women, have anti-cardiolipin in their blood stream. It is only when these levels are quite high that they pose a problem.

If you have high levels of anti-cardiolipin antibodies in your blood, you may begin to notice certain symptoms. These can include:

unexplained miscarriage
unexplained stillbirth
unexplained infertility
blood clots in your veins or arteries

Who Has Cardiolipin Antibodies?
Though anyone can have cardiolipin antibodies in their bloodstream, some people are more likely to have persistent anti-cardiolipin problems. People with autoimmune diseases, like Lupus and HIV/AIDS are more likely to have high levels of anti-cardiolipin. It has also been discovered that up to 15% of infertility patients also have higher-than-normal anti-cardiolipins.

Cardiolipin antibodies and Infertility
Because of the high numbers of infertile women suffering from increased cardiolipin antibodies, it is now thought that immune system antibodies might play a major role in preventing conception. Though studies conflict on the subject, many reports indicate that women with cardiolipin antibodies have a harder time getting pregnant and carrying their pregnancies to term. This may be because anti-cardiolipin antibodies can cause tiny blood clots, preventing blood from flowing to the reproductive organs or placenta.

The Anti-Cardiolipin Antibody Test
If you are still in the dark about what is causing your fertility problems, you may want to ask your health care provider to run an anti-cardiolipin antibody test. This test is a very simple procedure. All it requires is a blood sample, which is taken by needle from a vein in your arm. This blood is then sent to a laboratory for testing.

The Results
When your results come in, your health care provider will help you to interpret the results. There should be three different measurments - one for each type of cardiolipin antibody.

Normal Results:
Normal results mean that you have typical levels of cardiolipin antibodies in your blood. Normal IgG is below 23 ug/mL, while normal IgM and IgA is below 11 ug/mL.

Abnormal Results:
Abnormal results indicate that you have higher-than-normal levels of cardiolipin antibody in your blood. Levels that are slightly above 23 ug/mL may not be a cause for concern. Sometimes, cardiolipin antibodies are elevated temporarily due to colds or the flu. Levels that are between 25ug/mL and 70 ug/mL however, may interfere with your ability to become pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term.

After the Test
Once you have gotten your test results back, it is important to discuss your options with your health care provider. If you have borderline results, it is probably a good idea to perform the test again in about 6 weeks. This will allow for any fluctuations due to minor illnesses. If your levels are high, you may consider treatment to help control the number of anti-cardiolipin antibodies in your blood. This will reduce your risk of blood clots and hopefully, allow you to conceive and carry a baby to term. Treatments generally involve medication, such as:

baby aspirin
gamma globulin

i have already been tested for this condition. my test came back with a 40 level, which is quite high. i am being re-tested for this to confirm the dr's suspicion. i am also being tested for lupus (which i KNOW i don't have)

i refuse to believe that we lost ben for "nothing" he's my son, a fighter like nate who tried with all his teeny, tiny might to live. i think about him all the time. not a day has passed that i have not stopped to think about him

stay tuned for further results :)


nate's owie

yesterday nate fell/rolled down the basement stairs, smashing his head on the "new but not yet slip proof" basement stairs, then landing with a clunk on the concrete/tiled floor. he is now sporting a huge but cute welt on his forehead

he's a champ, after the shock and some "potty elmo" he was fine...little yelling and crying. such a big boy he is! 0 comments


we don't celebrate v-day. never have, never will. i think it's silly. seriously, 1 day to tell me that you love me and buy me chocolate? i'll pass, instead i will take all 364 days that chris can tell me how wonderful i am. har!

i did however, take a few mins yesterday and think back on us and how far we have come. our story is a bit nutty, but really, what can you expect from me? ha

quick recap for those who don't know those insane deets

we "met" via friend by email in jan 03 (chris lived in saskatoon, me in halifax)
we met in the flesh in march, chris came to hali
i got the rock in july
married in oct

that is the short version. i do not regret how we met, how fast we got hitched and everything in between for 1 teeny, tiny second

i could not imagine going through this life with out chris by my side

which lead me to remember the very best piece of advise i got when we said the "i do's"

"chris, you need to love her the most
when she deserves it the least
because that's when she needs it the most"

how true how true. and chris has had the luxury of putting that into practice over the last few weeks!

enjoy your loved ones today!

nate funny- yesterday during church when the pastor was being a we bit long winded, nate looked up at me and in his quiet voice (not!) said "mommy, i want to go home now"

the couple behind us leaned forward and said "don't we all"

ha! 0 comments

aliya, kylie, charlotte

olivia, sophia, emma, arianna, audury, claira, chole, avery, audury, violet, norah, amiee, melanie???

crystal is having a baby girl

lily, hannah, sarah, rayna, paige, alexis, eva, ashlynn, jodie, lyidia, julia, eliza.....

congrats cry! i will keep on sending names your way

my fav so far is

charlotte (charlie) anne (haha) and ayliah 0 comments
i asked nate to put his toys away while i ran upstairs to get something. i came down to find him putting his toys away, with a cloth bag over his head. strange boy he is!


uncle rob gave nate his skates...when he was that they actually fit, we took him skating and made him carry his own
getting use to the skates. haha

daddy and nate on the ice
wheee. he liked going fast with chris but over all he wasn't keen on this skating thing
on the way home i asked him if he liked skating, he said no. then i said what do you like? he said "play in the park"
as we were walking back to the van, nate asked for my hand and said " help me go up the stairs" he is getting a hang of this whole speaking in full sentences
*i despise all things cold. i do not skate, toboggan or go out side when it's cold. i broke my rule to go along, freeze my butt off and take pics. haha

home, sweet, wonderful home!

having enough of this cold Canadian winter, i packed my boy up and took off to a warmer place, sunny, delightful and home of the most wonderful place in the world (tied with shopping) ...disney
nate was captivated with the plane. having his own seat and a window at that

soon after i settled him into his seat, i explained that the plane's engine will get loud, the plane will speed up and we will take off into the air. nate was quiet, then said "mommy, yaya push button to make plane fly" and he did. and the plane flew with the push of his button
we chose only 2 parks this trip. animal kingdom was first. nate enjoyed the ride through the jungle, here is is singing "whooo hooo hooo, i wanna be like you, who ho"
nate adores all things animals and was waken with seeing them in real life
off to the dino ride with nana, poppy and quinn. check out that teeny, tiny, adorable face of his!
then to the tree of life and the bug movie. which he LOVED

quinn rode the train all by himself at down town disney
nate was making uncle johnny aka uncle lego very proud. he built many a towers. nate loves lego
off to the much have lunch at olive yummio garden. what's lunch with out putting napkins on your head?
nate's turn
then off to magic kingdom. nate liked the tea cups and so did i...bec we didn't spin them
nate on his very first and faster then i thought it would be- roller a part of toon town that i didn't know existed.
that was a big thing i noticed this trip. it was all about the boys. i didn't go to the adult part(s) once. i spent the day doing kids stuff and seeing a whole new part of this park. i was shocked at how many "new" things i did this trip....and how much more i still have to do!
nate playing at one of the many, many amazing kid parks. this one was the winnie the pooh park. nate loves pooh
then off to tom's island. we spent 45 mins on this island. i had never been over there before. it was a blast. so much to do! the boys ran all over the island. again, impressed by how much i haven't done
on the raft going back to the island. that's the haunted house in the back ground
mini prayer meeting. ha. mom wasn't feeling well enough to return to the magic kingdom for the parade/fire works, so we had the boys pray for her (cry, you should not be laughing....haha)
then nate joined in
seriously, the power of a praying child is powerful strong
aunty and quinn on the tram after the prayer meeting.....quinn will give me the best smiles evah!
moi and my boy...note his flush cheeks. this would be the start of nate getting sick, my poor, poor boy!
me and my boy just before the fire works
star struck by the fire work show

nate was very impressed
off to animal kingdom lodge to see more animals

dad and nate playing around. nate was quite sick so dad "had" to carry him
huge reason to kick this cancer dad. we need you around
the shoe story
the boys were quite rangy and getting into mischief. we sent them off to play. then they got quiet. the nate ran into the living room proclaiming "tada" which ='s "mom come and see what i just did"
so i grabbed my camera and found this
the boys dragged out the high chair, then piled our shoes on it
they were very pleased with them selves
close up of their hard work
quinn was tucked in quite cosy and comfy at the airport

until nate stole his sook, then proudly looked up at me with a sly smile
the flight back. nate was all tucked in and playing with his blanket.
yes ursi, that is the blanket you made for him. he sleeps with it every. single. night. he loves it
all in all it was a great trip. i learnt many lessons, cried many tears, laughed, reflected and enjoyed the break from "life"
i missed chris like crazy and have decided that i will not travel with out him anymore. it's not the same not having him around...for the record he CHOSE to stay home...crazy boy...
it's great to be home, my bed is wonderful and the arm that holds me as i sleep is even better