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5 yrs

5 yrs. already. so much has happened, so many changes so much to cherish, so much to be thankful for

knowing that fri was coming, i spent the last few weeks preparing my heart and asking god to show me his plans, his desires for me in handling the day i hate the most

i heard a soft voice speak to my heart and say "be thankful"

so i am. i choose to be thankful.  i choose to thank god for my son, i am so grateful to know i will hold him again!  he is alive right now. he is living a life far more grand than i could even imagine! hes not in pain, he's enjoying and rejoicing. so today. i choose to do the same

oh, i wont ever stop loving and thinking about him. ever. he lived in my body, he heard my heart beat. he heard my voice. he was and will always be a part of me. how can you forget a child you felt move in your womb? you don't

but today i give thanks for so much. so much in the last 5 yrs.  but most of all i give thanks that this horrible process has had good come from it.  so much good. so much

i was reading the other night and this literally jumped off the page at me

sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. eccl 7:3

refining!  the perfect word!  this whole process and all the junk, hurt, sorrow and sadness made me refine who i was, to make changes, to draw closer to my god. closer in sorrow. to come out refined!  only a good god could create the process to refine you, to make you better through a tragedy.  i can honestly say that through all the darkness, the light came brighter. i became a stronger, better person.  a better mom

i will never, ever stop thinking and loving you ben. i can not wait to see you again! but until that day comes, i am going to make you proud. i am going to love life and rejoice for all the good i have. all the blessings i am surrounded with, including you for you my son have a special place that the other 3 don't have. i will always carry you in my heart. i will keep you there until i can hold you again

i love you ben. happy 5th birthday 6 comments

back to routine

 i had to run errands yesterday so i took nate with me.  i stopped in at a store to look around, i found nate like this. bawahhhh
 nate put the gingerbread house together. by himself! ellie came to sample
 then back to the couch for more elmo!  hahahaha
 late night snuggles with my boy
 early morning snuggles with my jo
i love my kids.  jo has been VERY snuggly since mom and dad left, i think she missed me (mom held her and fed her for me while she was here) and  truly think jo just wants me to hold her. i dont mind. ha 0 comments

black friday!

 mom, dad and i hit up walmart fri morning at 7 for some deals. 
 this is nates happy face. he WANTED to come with us and this is him being happy. hahaha
 dad and cry, oops, i mean ellie
 my kids and my parents
 trying to get 1 pic of them thats good
 and another take

we had so much fun!  thanks for coming to visit and making the wkend a bit more enjoyable. the kids had SO much fun and ellie didnt ask once for you guys after she said good bye, no tears just "nana papa go home" so yeah! it worked!!! thanks for the visit you guys!  the kids made some memories! 0 comments

nana and papa!

 jo put her order in for bacon and eggs ans was waiting patiently. hahaha
 jo jo bouncy bean and papa sharing secrets
 such a happy smiley baby. i counted, she cried once last week.
 i love you papa

aunty even came too!  this pic was taken when ellie belly boo realized she was not "going out, see beeper, put on boots and jacket" with mommy and aunty
 close up of not being impressed
ellie LOVES to "go go!" she loves to go out, anywhere, anytime. such a happy girl.  night and day difference between all my kids!

aunty and i hit the stores thurs night for some pre black friday shopping and sister bonding 0 comments

im back!

 wed night we got a call that nana and papa were coming for a surprise visit for the wkend!  the kids were SO excited!!!!  last week nate pulled out his crime scene investigation kit.  so. much. fun AND most imp!!!! nate was kept busy working ALONE for hours on this. hahahaha
 jo jo in her ballerina outfit for aunty!  and 2 seconds later she puked all over it!  awesome times!
 my little dolly. i love her so much. SO glad we had this blessing. children really are a blessing
and wouldn't you know it. nate put jo in the crime scene. hahahaha. they kept scanning her for finger prints. she was a suspect but no worries, she was let go and found innocent....until she puked again. hahaha 0 comments

oh ellie joy!

 he snuck up to play lego.  she is not allowed to touch nates lego when hes building something but yesterday she actually built lego!  so cute!
 the funniest thing.  it was so nice out yesterday +18!  ellie was out playing and then she took off. i then heard "hello? hello? is anyone there?"
i look out the front door and there she is calling for me
 she is getting SO big!
i let her in. haha 1 comments

we have a jumper!

 but first nate is AWESOME at the circuit board. it blows me away how many combinations he creates!  he was out in the shop with chris last night working on more. so awesome
 ellie did some coloring. we were practicing her color identifying, she lasted 2 mins. a record.  ellie doesnt sit still much. there is just so many fun things for her to play with!
 jo jo jumping bean!!!
 and wheeee she spun around
 love her!
 teeny toes
 look! its crystal and melanie!  throw back to 1975 but wearing better clothes! ha!


family stuff

 the other night, nate waited up for me to come to bed and 5 mins after i found him like this. haha  love him. love the changes in him. love watching him grow into a fine young boy. LOVE that im FINALLY seeing some results from all our hard work. sigh. parenting is not easy. home educating is def not for the faint of heart BUT both have made me stronger, and i can say, a better mom. home school is a life style, like a thread that inter twines with all aspects of our family life.  hard? yes!  would i change it? no!
 i fund ellie the other morning like this. awwww playing with her babies, tucking them in for their sleepy nap. and yes, she sleeps with a 3/4 chewed off sooky and in a crib. judge me all you want!  ha!  she knows this is her last sooky. ever. and still sucks on the tip that's barley there.....bawahhhh
 the other baby. ready to dance?
 so, nate has a new hobby! he loves to play with the circuit board. ellie is quite taken with it too. im lost with it.
 yesterday during ellies sleepy nap, nate and i made this snowman for her. she LOVED it when she woke up!  so cute!!!!


this and that

 after i took ellie up for her sleepy nap i came down to this. ellie tucked her baby in too. hahaha
 the kids doing some outside playing, while i spent a few mins alone with joey. LOVE how great of a brother nate is!
 nate set up his school desk last night. he wants to do school up there now. i love how her put out all his special toys and showed me each one, i was surprised by how each toy represents a good memory for him and well, hey it's adorable!
 proud of himself

and whats a week with out more science projects?  we studied roots and did the whole celery in colored water as with the white carnations in colored water....they turned out, its kinda neat to watch!


4 month old!

 johana elizabeth is 4 months old today!!!!

she is the most amazing baby. ever SO glad we had this baby girl! i adore her and spending time with her. i admit i LOVE her baby smell, i am forever smelling her, ha. chris thinks im nuts. i will shove her in his face and say "smell her! isn't she divine??" he thinks im on crack

but i wish i could bottle up her baby smell and wear it. she is awesome
 see. totally awesome
 and oh so very happy!
happy 4 month birthday baby joey!!! we love you!!!! 1 comments

ellie joy!

 ellie enjoys sitting and reading her fav books. esp this one. its so cute to watch!  she was eating her "bread cake" as she likes to call banana muffins, ha.  and point out the pictures
 she was showing me the "big! big mess!" the pic shows spilt glitter and she always tells me there is a mess!! ha

i found ellie yesterday morning in the front room like this
 what's she doing?
she was cleaning! ha she found my wipe cloth, sat down and was cleaning away. humming the whole time

love her! 0 comments