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this happened the other morning. my fav coffee mug is gone

i upload my pics this morning.  i saw the pic of the glass over the floor and realized that's how i feel today. the weight of the world, too heavy for me to carry, full of emotions, non uplifting. a pained heart 

parenting is hard. oh, so very hard

your children carry a piece of your heart with them
what happens to them, happens to you
 they hurt, you hurt

  it's the most unfair thing. its rough enough being an adult but to feel the hurt of your kids on top of everything is just too hard at times

i am so glad i don't have to journey this life alone. i cant imagine not having someone to talk. to cry to. to ask for help, direction.  peace. love.


so glad i have you jesus



 ellie loves puzzles
 ipad playing
 doll house, the same doll house she enjoyed when she was 12 months
 "hello? nana? papa? you come soon?"
 dino playing
 playing super hero's
 i finally discovered a way to take nate shopping
 tucking elmo in last night
 smiley, happy jo
more puzzles! 3 comments

ellie joy

 i captured this the other morning.  such a delight she is
 she just wanted a cuddle
 my heart
we are good. how are you? 0 comments

my latest obsession!

 OMW (oh my word)
i discovered this netflix, british/french/american show and i can't. stop. watching it.  i mean "kids! your going to bed at 6" and "its NAP time!" and "hey lets watch george" while i sneak away with my ipad to watched 30 mins....cough.....
i adore the time period. the fashion, the life style, the care free, tea drinking, shopping/dining/parties of the british....haha and i cant stop watching the show. 

the show is based on the life of the real mr. selfridge an american wealthy gent, who moved to london to start up his own store. he brought a whole new look/attitude and started the concept of shopping for pleasure and not necessity.  the show is a lose recap of his life, but to get a real peek into the man's real life ive been reading up on him on line....fascinating

anyways. back to the show, its filled with beautiful people, amazing clothes, delightful accents (those brits and frenchies!) the ladies of leisure shop, party and enjoy their tea...the show is based on the people who work at the store, which brings another fun, entertaining aspect...watching how they worked backed them....3 ppl to a sales a days there is 3 ppl in a store! har har the way the treated the costumers, how they were expected to behave, the influence of war on society and the changes that brought....ans my favorite....the window displays and the fact they hired 2 people to actually dress fun! totally my dream job! i mean hello!

anyways. its a great show. i love it!  and now i must get back to reality.....ha

happy friday! 2 comments

nana and papa chips!

 ellie has renamed mom and dad to nana and papa chips. bawahhh

ellie was thrilled to have a new person read to her!
 i didnt take pics of the visit. oops
i did get this pic this am
then i told ellie that papa and nana were leaving
 she was not pleased
 then she went to nana and ate her food
 heading out. i tried to get a pic
 out of 15 pics these were the best
 thanks for the visit mom and dad. the kids had so much fun!!!!


the kids

 up with me one night (ok it happened more than once har) last week. i LOVE the late night party with jo!

ellie wanted to help chris in the shop on sat. so i got her all dressed up, she was SO happy to "help daddy in the shop"
 off she went.
 nate and ellie delighted jo and i with another play....i love how ellie's shoes and hat match....and the tool belt. hahaha
 ellie wanted a turn in my bed. she was wide awake at 10, so i put her to bed with me. she was very pleased with this arrangement. i love bed cuddles with any of my kids


catching up!

 i love this baby.  her arms is wrapped around my neck, giving me a hug. my heart

i remember finding out for sure that we were having a girl, i was like "how can i love this baby girl, i love ellie so will this work?" because, i could not understand how it would work, i knew logically it would work out, but how??? 

all i can say is's just different!  each baby brings something new to the table.  each babe causes me to love more, deeper, wider, stronger, and so differently.  there is no favorite. i dont love one more than the other but, i do love each of them differently.  they are each so different, how could i not? 

i am blown away by how my love for jo jo is so radically different with ellie.  ellie is my little helper, the joyful ray of sunshine that we so desperately needed.  nate is my strong leader, the force that the world will recon with, the child who must know everything, always thinking, always trying to keep up with the adults. while his soft, sensitive side is shown in secret (unless you mess with his sisters, then he will go ninja on you)  nate the first born, so smart, so focused, such a soft, tender heart

then i have jo. my little jo. my little good baby. she blends in, she's quiet, she's happy, so happy.  i can not imagine not having her quiet soft presence in our family. such a wonderful baby. my baby for always. so thankful for her.

ok enough with the seriousness. must go back to fun and folly!

ellie playing her game. she disappears  when the glasses are on. such a hoot to watch her actually think we cant see her. hahaha
 she put the glasses on her head and said "im right here mom!"
 ignore lack of rotation

nate and i are studying whales at the moment, and i threw in this independent reader at the same time. it's AWESOME!  the book goes hand in hand with the curric. talk about perfect luck! ha.  land of 1000 whales has turned into a read out loud book, cause i wanted to read it. haha



 i know it's blurry but man, does she ever look like me!!!
 my little doll
 ellie wanted to put the hat on her
great job ellie!
 last night the kids had a night snack, hot chocolate, candles in the snow fort party! 
 yesterday, i took nate out to the library to do school.  SO glad it did. we had a great time together, nate did his work and was able to play
 i sat and started to plan march-june quarter and think about next yr....
it was nice to get away, just nate and i.  we both come home refreshed, happier and with a smile on our faces.  1 comments

snow part 2!

 we took the kids out on tues to make a snow fort!  but first some pics...this is the back year. its up to the deck so prob 5'. its solid snow
 what was left after chris removed the snow
 the play house, its 5' off the ground. crazy hu!
 chris used his power tools to drill out the shape, then cleared the big chunks out, i shoveled them away, then we used the snow blower to blow out the small pieces
 nate and the kids sledded
 ellie joined him
 nate checking it out....then chris decided it wasn't good enough, so he cleared it to the deck railing and made it high enough that the kids can stand in it!
 playing on the trampoline
 take a daddy break
 the front of my house. crazy hu!