how great

funny how a smell, a flashback, a voice or even a song has the power to transform you to another time and another plac

a few wks ago it happened to me. i was driving in the car. alone. and doing what i normally do when alone, crank the radio. full blast, blaring on! the song changed, from what i don't remember...but the song that came on took me to a instantly took me to another place

after we lost our second born son, I took time off from church. Chris was the children’s pastor at the time. I stepped down from helping him, from teaching and from attending

chris was supportive of me

the first Sunday morning came, chris woke me up, I told him I was not going, rolled over and went back to bed

the second Sunday came and went. I stayed home

the third Sunday came, chris and nate went with out me

a month went by

the 5th Sunday morning, chris woke me up and asked “how about today?”

I said “no. not today”

I went back to bed

Some people were prob judging me and my decision to not attend

What they did not know was my hearts desire behind my decision to stay home

I was told that church was the place to be to get that healing, to go for support and help and love and encouragement and all that

But my heart said something else and I chose to follow it

My heart told god that I would not and could not go back to church with out being able to publically raise my hands and declare with my words that god is good. All the time.

The 6th Sunday came. Chris woke me and asked “today mel?”

I said “yes”

I remember sitting to do my hair, scared about what I was about to do. Not knowing if I would truly be able to go through with it

I got dressed, ate, got into the car. Chris held my hand as we drove. I looked out the side window

We entered the church. I was surrounded by people, hugs and support. I fought the tears. Held my head high and got to my normal, regular back seat.

I sat. I waited for the music to start

The worship team came up.

The first song was “how great is our god”

The congregation rose to sing

I rose

I lasted for about 1 minute

I sat down

My hair fell forward

Covering my tears as I closed my eyes and let the words flood over me

Grabbing the sides of my seat I cried the silent tears

The pain

How in the world could this be the FIRST song????

“how great is our god? Sing with me how great is our god”

My heart started to sing

My lips could not move

The song ended

They started it again

Slowly, I stood

Head down

I lifted my hands

And cried

I felt chris touch me

I sang with my mouth

“how great is our god…sing with me how great is our god…and all will see how great how great is our god”

My heart sang first

Then my mouth

I was able to do it

because it is true

how great is our god. Sing with me no matter what, no matter when or where, our god is great

Rejoice with me

Posted by mel at 7:44 PM