its late, I am tired,
finding a new source of energy, I slip upstairs in my quiet house to start my
evening ritual
Picking up my bundle of
joy, sheer delight in a tiny package, I cradle her in my arms, as I feed my
baby using the soft pink light that lights the room I feel calm and peaceful. I
hear the rocking chair, one that I've put so many countless miles on
creak with each rock; I look into my baby’s eyes. She stares at me, closing her
eyes she slips into her sleepy state. I watch her drink. What a joy she
is. With a turn of her head I know she is done I dab the drops of milk
from her mouth and smile at her once again as she turn her body towards mine,
tucking her face into my arms
I stare. Time stands
still it seems, I watch her mouth doing baby things, mouth puckering, relaxing
into a smile, eyes flickering open to meet mine, then a smile appears as she
closes her eyes and relaxes her body more. I can feel her melt into me. I am
amazed at the power of love that I feel towards her. I look at her nose. So
adorable! Her cheeks! They beg to be kissed. I give in and kiss her soft,
delicate trusting face.
Feeling tired but not
ready to say good bye, pressing my face as close to her as I can, nose to nose,
I breathe in and smell my ellie baby smell. A smell that I long to snatch
up and bottle and keep it forever. My heart hurts from the love I feel towards
her. I smell. I breathe. I listen to her breath, steady and
peaceful
I smell her again.
I don’t look at the clock for I know I've been up there too long
already but not wanting to put her down. Knowing I will face chris and his
mocking for spending too much time again. That’s impossible I think?
my body is getting tired.
The time as come to end my ritual. I breathe in her fragrant smell once more.
Kissing her cheeks and forehead. I stand up, slowly walking her to her
crib. Holding her body tight to mine. I stand in front of her bed. I
whisper into her ear “I love you sweet one. So precious so loved. What a
miracle you are, sent from heaven above. We love you ellie doll. We are
so grateful and thankful you joined our family. We love you. Sleep tight
and rest well. You are so wanted and loved” placing her in her crib, tucking
her in with her blanket. I kiss her once more
Clicking off the
soft pink light, pausing at her door I whisper “ we love you sweet one” the
door clicks. My ritual is over for today, but tomorrow, thank you jesus for
tomorrow, I get to spend another day loving my baby all over again
How great is your love towards
us oh lord? How far does it reach? Can I ever come close to feeling
the love you have towards me? How wonderful. How precious. How good you
are. Pain and sorrow you are with me. Joy and rejoicing you are there.
Tears may fall and yet you bottle them. How important I must be to you!
Now I just have to find a
way to bottle up ellie’s smell and save it forever!
Posted by
mel
at
11:10 PM
