2010

2010

It’s over! Just a few more delicate hours and I can sip my wine, kick my feet up, smile and think

I living loving made it!

hands down this year has been the worst year of my entire life

after i had nate. i remember living way out in memramcook aka my little house in the country...and it was really just that, sitting on a hill that almost look like the house will soak into the ground or fold under the big hill behind it. i loved it. i loved my life. i would walk and think and pray and talk to god and as i came around the final corner of my walking path i would stop and look at the view from the huge hill behind my house that over looked memramcook and the fundy. simply breath taking. as i stopped and breathed i would always think the same thing

"pinch me. my life is perfect"

the next 2 yrs i would often tell chris variations of "my life is so wonderful good, can it be real? i often think i am living this dream and i am afraid to wake up. i have SO much"

i love life

starting with last dec, 1 month after losing our son my year of utter "what is GOING on here?" started...this year we have faced in no particular order

-death of our son
-death of a family member who we loved
-work issues for chris
-church issues
-stepping down as kids pastor
-friend issues (i mean supporting close friends going through trials)
-family issues (and i mean problems)
-having some more miscarriages
-financial tighten ups
-marriage issues (that have been worked out)
-physical problems
-nate's pushing the 3's
-car/van's breaking down
-my dad's cancer
-questioning the future. big time
-dealing with jealousy/resentment towards my sister for having her baby
-struggling with being honest with myself and digging out crap that i hid away
-parenting. man it's SO hard

yep. it's was a craptastic year over all

BUT

it's got to get better right?! ha

i have had some not so shinning moments over the past 12 months. said things i regret, done things that were stupid, stayed home when i should have gone out, ignored god when i should have listened, avoided confrontation when i should have spoken out, not been a friend when i was needed...but i learnt. i did grow and over all i am pleased

it's not how you start it's how you finish, right?!

i was asking god a few wks back to give me a something for this new year. i heard the following

"i make everything beautiful in my time"
"everything becomes new"

it was easier to get through the year with god. he never left me. he never said it would be easy. but he's here. he's holding me. he loves me. he knows my heart, my desires and the super coolest-fab-o-u-lis thing is that his dreams for me are better than ANYthing i can dream up (and man, i can dream!)

and with that i eagerly await midnight tonight to kick 2010 in the bum (as nate would say) and embrace 2011 with wonder, excitement and mystery

what will this year bring us?

Posted by mel at 12:31 PM