this blog is tongue in cheek. those who know me, know that i am posting this with no bitterness/anger/resentment etc...

over the last yr, i have kept a short list of really stupid things that people have said to me about losing ben. i am posting it today...i reached # 10...ha!

10 really stupid things that were said to me

1-“thank goodness it happened now and not later” really now? why would that be?

2-"maybe there was something seriously wrong with it, it’s a blessing that the baby died"
3- "god must have a reason"

4- “I had a friend who lost her baby at blah, blah, blah weeks. You had it much better/easier”
5-"maybe you should get checked out by a doctor" …yeah. That is brilliant. Never thought of that before!

6-complain to me about your pregnancy pains a few WEEKS after I lost ben. Seriously? Must I tell you to shut up?

7-"god needed ben in heaven". Yeah, my god is a baby killer and uses those babies for his garden. Seriously?

8-6 wk pp check up. The dr asked me where the baby was. I said she should go read my chart. I kinda thought it was funny, I still kinda do

9-walking past a group of friends talking about how cute our kids are. Then one said “nate is so cute, you should have 10 more!”

All righty then! I waited, you know to give her/them a minute to THINK about what they just said but nope. I got another “ nate is so cute, you should have more kids”

Then I gave them the death stare and said “yeah, well, we are working on that one”

10-a friend of mine and I share the birth/death date of our sons. A mutual friend said “how wonderful to have a friend to celebrate the day with”
Yeah. I would have used the word grieve, not celebrate. bright one


Amazingly, wonderful, supporting and often tear producing words

1-welcome to the club that no one wants to be a part of, please know that you are not alone

2-can I just hug you?

3-other moms of lost ones simply sharing their stories

4-having ben remembered in the simple ways by loved ones

5- a candle. o simple. o beautiful. i love it

6- a friend showing up at my door, with a meal, a hug, a book/pamphlets and demanding to be told what she can do. I had her call and cancel my 3 d ultrasound appointment that was to happen that week, a call that was making me sick to think about

7-the emails, the phone calls, the letters, the support, the love shown by close family, close friends and surprisingly those who I didn’t know so much before. i won't name them but they know who they are

8-the out pouring of love and support with the meals for the 2 weeks that followed. the meals that were left on my door step, the consideration and the respect of my privacy during those icky weeks that followed. the flowers that followed. the words of wisdom of those moms who did this before me

9-"i don’t know what to say so I will say nothing". Then she gave me a hug. Then I cried


10- "you are loved"

11- "it will get better. the pain will ease. talk, talk and talk it out. do not blame yourself, you did NOTHING, you will never forget your baby but it is ok to move on and live"

12-"remind yourself that you are a daughter of the king"

13- "i am coming over to babysit nate while you go out with chris" not just words. but they actually booked the night and did it

there was more love shown then stupidity. it just makes me roll my eyes and chuckle some days!

Posted by mel at 1:25 PM