the rocking chair

normally when i put the girls to bed we read a book in ellie's room on the "book mat" ( mom and dad, the book this month is the one you gave them)  i have the girls sit on the mat and we read a book together, then i put ellie to bed, and then joey.

this past week or so, after i put joey to bed she cried out for me.  totally NOT her regular self.  so about a week ago, ive made the habit to go back in her room, pick her up, and rock her.  then i sing to her, and talk to her.  i tell her how special, love loved and how glad she is in our family.  each time i make a statement, she nods her head in agreement.  i totally melt.

so last night, after a LONG day, i put the girls to bed. i went to settle in doing what i planned to spend my evening doing (journaling , and school planning....very exciting i know!) and low and behold.  joey was crying.  i put my stuff away, went in to her room and picked her up

i took her to the rocker
and rocked her
and told her all the things i know
that she is so loved, so wanted, such a joy and such a delight to have in our family
her sobs slowed
to a tiny hick up
then i heard nothing
as i sang a song, and rocked her, joey fell asleep in my arms

my plans for the night ended
mu thoughts drifted
how many miles did i spend in this rocker? all 3 kids? almost 10 yrs old? the stories this rocker has
the nights that never seemed to end....but they did
the naps that i tried to happen...they did happen....or not
the hugs and tears
the love and joy
this rocking chair has so many miles on it

and i choose to push away my plans for the night, and choose to hold my baby instead.  i was surprised by the tears that fell from my cheeks and on to her hair

im blessed
and i choose to spend my saturday night holding and loving you my joey

in the middle of crazy
and fighting the fears on not being enough, i choose to love my kids.  all 4 of them.  such value and love they bring to me

so blessed

Posted by mel at 6:03 PM