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day day before!

As I sit here, alone, with the very rare occurrence of having all 3 of my kids napping, at the same time on this day, my last day as a gal in her 30’s. I think back over the last decade. My 30’s. 

They were good to me, very good.  And in the same breath they brought me some of the saddest days of my life. Heart ache, pain but at the same time it brought healing and joy

This decade brought me all my kids. Living and non.  Nate threw me into this whole world known as motherhood. Something that you think you may know what it will be like, but you simply can’t get it until you have crossed over and raised kids.  I use to think I thought I knew how life would be with kids…but nothing works out the way we “see” it in our thoughts…why is that? ha

I thought having a baby would bring me all the answers to all my problems. After losing ben, I was tossed into a world of “this can not be happening” and facing the real, raw, bottom line problem…learning to be content, right where I am. In the midst of heart ache and pain

That lesson took me 2 years to get there.  I spent the next 2 years living, in the now, with the longing for one day, maybe another baby but it’s ok to not have another one. I was content where I was.  Happy for those around me with full cribs, nice houses, nicer cars and vacations that I would never take.  (ha ha cry)

the birth of my girls. The changes that went along with that. The joy and laughter those babies brought and still bring us. Oh, we needed them!  To have life and loud laughter, even on my bad days I would never, ever want to go back to the days of having just 1. in the midst of crazy. life is good. very good

the start of our journey of home education! And trying to figure that out!  And discovering that the answer was really under my nose the whole time, or rather in my  bed.  Chris!  Ive learned (still am)  to let him carry the load, he can! He’s built for it. This revelation allowed me to be me! The mom god created me to be!

then those darn  physical insecurities!  Oh my!  After I had eliana, as hard as I tried to not let it happen, my butt grew and changed into a blob of cellulite and jiggle. All those hours working out to keep it up…gone!  Ha. And you know what?  WHO CARES!  Johana came along shortly after and again, my body went to work and changed shape. Boobs to the floor to match the butt with some more cellulite on my thighs, noticeable now when wearing shorts and stretch marks!  Know what? WHO CARES! I am too busy to care, too lazy to do anything about it.  I am a mom of 4!  I have so much more to think and care about. i truly spent almost no time thinking or looking at myself in the mirror! and i love it!

The discovery of time and how very precious it is.  Oh so precious.  Heart attacks brought fear and the  respect for time.  Hospital visits/stays/recovery. Life is just to precious and short, it’s a joy to be alive. To live!

when asked a simple question “what can I get you for your birthday?”  I thought and thought, sure I came up with a silly list of fun things I would never buy for me but the real, heart answer was…

Nothing. I have everything I have ever dreamed of having.  From the time I could remember, all I have ever wanted to be was a mom and a teacher. I am both, how amazing is that? God put those desires in me from an early age, and the teaching part was just a fun thing god did!

I am married to my bestie. I can not imagine doing life with out him. Sure, he annoys me and we fight and have our off days, we disagree with how time and money should be spent but we have learned to compromise, how to apologize, how to hug and kiss. How to communicate, ok, we will always work on that!   He’s my heart keeper, my body booster moral (he thinks im hot still!), he’s my wall bouncer ideas off dude, my friend, my deep talking guy and my bed warmer.  I adore you chris

My kids. How amazing is it that I have 3 kids!  My house! My car, I love my little putt putt car!  I have everything.  now i get to live, to enjoy, to raise my family, to educate them, to clean up after them and take care of them. this is what i've always wanted. how amazing

So with heart ache and pain, mistakes and wrong doings behind me... Taking the hand of maturity, love, kindness, patience, endurance, joy, love and grabbing the other hand of band aids, ear plugs, diapers, sookies and my food covered t-shirt…I close the door on my 30’s and open the door of this new decade

welcome 40's, I wonder what you will bring...

and as i end my last sentence, 2 of my kids woke up....hahaha